Life is bustling all about me. The birds still chirp, readying themselves for the night's rest. The trees and the bushes are nodding their wise heads in agreement with the wind and the gathering dusk.
I had a productive day. A friend came to get some help with editing her profile on a matching site. She and I know each other for at least twenty-something years. Our lives went differently: I married an industrious, capricious Japanese and her lot fell with an avaricious, profiteering African fellow. She had a son and left her husband to live alone for a couple of decades now. I stuck to the, mostly, unhappy marriage. What for? The ideas behind our union were noble, and I would've not questioned them, but for the litmus-paper-time. It tries to prove to me beyond the reasonable doubt that all of my pursuits were in vain. It tries, but I'm too stupid to listen. Can it be that the high motivations always lead us to Hell? Could I be mistaken in taking the un-trodden by most people road and trying to make something out of all the heartache and sacrifice?
Where is God in all this? I am not questioning Him, but, maybe, I should. Maybe, I don't invite Him to the table with enough sincerity. I need Him to step in and resolve the nagging doubts in my heart. Perhaps, He thinks that He gave me enough ammunition to decide for myself? Then my decisions, whatever they might be, can not be questioned by Him.
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