Another talk with Mr. P. I had to drive to Alameda, about 30 minutes away from here, to meet him. What's more important, it was in the evening and I am very uncomfortable driving in the dark. We arranged for me to see him at a cafe today.
Karma struck, and a small packet of jelly that I stole (borrowed, like Roberta says) from a restaurant burst in my purse. As a result, I had to just pick up my car keys, check book, wallet and cell phone separately, find pockets where to put them all and go see Mr. P. I was OK, even early, found some parking, walked a couple of blocks to the cafe. As I was paying for my double cappuccino (I had to stay awake, didn't I), I suddenly realized that my checkbook was not in the pocket where I put it. Just like that, my easy, relaxed evening turned into a nightmare. I asked a barista to mind my cappuccino and did trotted in a panic back to the car, all the while imagining some bum hurrying away, gleefully, with my checkbook. Fortunately, I guess, in heaven they don't consider stealing (or borrowing) jelly from restaurants as heavy offence (like that's the worst I have done!). Checkbook waited for me innocently on the floor of my car. Another panicked trot back to the cafe, now- because I was late for the appointment, - and everything returned back to normal.
Mr. P is very intuitive. Almost from the beginning of a session he, usually, zeros in on a thing that's central to my well-being at a moment.
What were the main points today? Relationship with Christ and relationship with Taka. I told Mr. P the story of how God was there for me as soon as I opened my heart to Him/Her. Then our conversation somehow slid toward Taka. I was telling Mr. P that, I think, we are doing much better than before, but as he asked me questions about the past problems, all I could feel toward those hurts was... nothing. That alerted me to a fact that instead of being happy about the new developments between Taka and I, I was numbing myself to the past hurts, as if preparing to experience them again. Does it make sense to you?
Today I took with me from the session with Mr. P the following:
1. Expectation gives birth to bitterness.
2. As one thinks, so she is.
3. Can't change others.
4. Being Dina-Llama is still the best course of action and stealing (or even borrowing) jelly is not consistent with that.