Sunday, December 22, 2013


jpeg (183×275)     The focus of today was to recuperate from yesterday's labors and, at least for me, to resolve Hanah's money problem. It's not even just the money: she needs to come home, touch basis, show me that she doesn't have any tattoos... Oh, my God, why did I have to think of that?!
jpeg (224×225)     Last night Taka told me that he was not going to send her any more money. This morning, feeling expansive, I guess, he said that he'll do it but he needs to know, how much. After I sent him a text with the amount and an explanation for it and an e-mail with the amount and an explanation for it, he went back to telling me that she needs to ask him and: "what was the amount again?"
     I started to say that he needs to tell me straight if he is going to give Hanah money or not, but he interrupted me and yelled: "In order to arrange for the money, I need at least a week's notice, idiot!"
images (212×237)
     That did it! I am not an idiot. That's what I told him: "You can not call me an idiot. I won't let you!"
     I left the room and went to the kitchen. He followed.
- "Are you really going to do that Weight Management Program with this kind of attitude toward money?"
     This was not the first time he tried to "yank my chain" about the Weight Management. He thinks, he now has an advantage over me, since I want to do it. I said:
- "I guess, I won't do it then, if I can't get your support. It would be pointless to start it, if you'll continue to brandish the money that we'll spend on the program over me!"
     This is how it ended. He came later into the living room and told Sonny to get in touch with Hanah and tell her that if she needs money, to contact him within 24 hours. I guess, my word has no meaning or weight. 
     Slaying monsters is easier than learning to live with them!
                                                 images (251×201)


  1. Hanah needs to be responsible for her finances. Is she relying on you to communicate with Taka? This is her job. It isn't a good idea to cosign the not of Hanah's life. Less trouble for you. She should you be stressing over HER problem, not you.

    Regarding Taka's treatment of you: if you yell at him, it doesn't solve anything. It only adds to the drama. This is where detaching with love comes in. Simply saying, "I'm uncomfortable with your judgments. I never gave you permission to disrespect me. I'll talk with you when our conversation has the respect it deserves" work much better. We have to confront, before we can bond with another. Paradoxical, but true.

    If we are compliant, we are not ourselves. We are being a chameleon, not letting them know they've offended our need for dignity and emotional safety. If they bond with our compliant nature, they are not bonding with our authentic selves, but our people-pleasing, not-true-to-our-values self.

    Try using nonviolent communication, expressing your need for emotional safety, tranquility and dignity, peace and respect.

  2. co-sign the note, that is. And, if you question what I suggest, has your way worked?