It is the morning after. After Christmas. After all the efforts to arrange everything, do everything to the best advantage of the family. Like Mr. P. says: "There is only one God, and I am not Him." The best advantage is determined by whom? At least now I understand that I can't be blamed and can't blame anyone for the things that go differently than I anticipated. It was a nice evening, with a few minor annoyances that also led me to some major realizations.
I woke up early, did dishes and cooked for Roberta's and Park's breakfast, yet he was visibly upset this morning. When Roberta poked her nose out of the door into the dining room, he yelled at her to go put on a warm jacket because, and I quote: "I pray and worry about you!!!" His tone was that of an irate parent. It was all about him. His worries. Not her getting cold and sick! I observed this and decided to sit in at the table with them.
He kept his ranting at Roberta, at our church pastor (without giving reasons for it) and, when I opened my mouth and tried to calm him down, - me.
- "I waited for Hanah! Her name means 'number one' in Korean! It's better than Sonny's name!"
- "Do you know, what Sonny's real name is?"
- "Yeah, yeah, I know! But his habits are bad! That's why I call him 'mommy's boy'!" - "Please don't call him that." - I was calm but firm.
- "You need to listen to me, I am older than you!"
- "Roberta is older than you. Why do you scold her as a child?"
Park kept on raging. He didn't explain why. His attention switched back to Roberta. I motioned to her to go to the living room's couch.
- "I need you to come to the room right now! I want to talk to you!" Park looked at us, astonished that Roberta dared to go away from his verbal abuse.
We waited for a while, then she got up and went to see, what he wanted.
Later, when he went for his walk, she came back and told me that, although he and she talked about his performance at a concert in glowing terms, he, in fact, couldn't sing at all because of cough! Whether he was getting some fallout because of that (and because he didn't apologized to the church pastor for letting the program down), or because of some other reasons, he was in this foul mood today.
What it has to do with me, my children or even Roberta, I don't know. I am more able to face his baseless attacks now and am grateful for it!