6 Ways to Meet the Ladies/Fellas
Josh Swenson
1. Go on an internship or visit friends in a different community
When we live in a community for long enough, we tend to establish ourselves in that community. We are known to act in a certain way, hang out with a certain group of people, and do certain things. But when we travel to new communities we get to re-establish ourselves. We can hang out with new people and make new friends, try acting and being different, and experience things that we wouldn’t do normally. This can work wonders for meeting and making friends with people of the opposite sex (which is a code word for “potential matching candidates”).
There was a time when I was stuck and on the verge of giving up hope on the whole matching thing. I didn’t think I was going to meet anyone new if I stayed in Chicago. Then I took an internship in California where I spent as much time as possible meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends. One of those friends introduced me to my wife. Best. Summer. Ever.
2. Don’t let concepts get in the way
We all have plenty of concepts about the people in our lives and new people we meet. Too fat. Too thin. Too talkative. Too shy. Or how about “why didn’t his previous matching work out? Something’s gotta be wrong with him.” Or “He’s too prude,” and “She’s too low standard.” It’s easy to see how concepts could get in the way of meeting new people. How could you become friends with someone if your concepts prevented you from ever giving her a chance? Examine your concepts and ask yourself whether they are founded. If not, then give that person a chance.
3. Talk to people of the opposite sex
Growing up in this church, many of us have learned to dissociate from the opposite sex. We thought those she-devils and he-devils were trying to undermine our purity. We sat on opposite sides of the room, were told not to even make eye contact, and heaven forbid if we were to hug or shake hands. That was a bit extreme and times have thankfully changed, but we are still left with the remnants of that culture.
Okay this is really obvious… If you want to meet and become friends and potentially get married to someone, you have to first let go of all of that fear and talk to him or her. If you never take that first step and talk to her, there’s no chance. Tell her your name! Ask her what she’s studying in school. Does that sound doable?
Repeat after me. Girls first. “It’s okay to talk to boys.” Now the boys. “It’s okay to talk to girls.” Alright! That’s a start… Now chat ‘em up.
4. Chat them up!
Facebook, G-Chat, Text messaging, Email (or how about in person? See number 3 above). Technology is on your side. If you are interested in someone then start chatting them up. It’s pretty easy to tell if he or she is into it (that person will respond to your chats… ) And by the power of Give and Take Action, one thing will lead to another and soon your friend may become a potential match.
That’s right. “Talk to them” has now appeared TWICE on this list.
5. Get out there and get noticed
There are many ways to get noticed in any community. Do things you love that highlight your talents.
Are you a musician? Volunteer with the worship band or sign up for open mic night; if there isn’t one your area, think about creating one. Are you good with children? Youth ministry teams always need volunteers and new ideas. Do you enjoy teaching? Try out teaching Sunday School or creating a tutoring team with other people to serve the community. Other special interests? Start a club and invite other young adults to join… hiking, cooking, reading, rock climbing, making movies, crafting, board gaming, trying new coffeeshops or restaurants, playing ultimate frisbee. Remember, don’t create clubs that are gender specific.
You never know who you’ll meet or who might be “on the lookout.”
6. Ask a married friend for suggestions or an introduction
Swenson’s Law states: If a person is married, he or she will contrive to “set up” his or her single friends. Married people are always looking to set up their friends! It’s a law of the universe. If you are single and you have married friends, they will be more than willing (it is actually written in their DNA) to help you. Your married friends are friends with someone who you are curious about romantically? Ask them to introduce you! Or better yet, have them arrange a mutual hang out so you guys can get to know each other (then proceed with items 3 and 4 from above).
So there’s the list! Now you can meet all the single ladies or fellas you can handle. But remember never to use these new powers for evil. You have to be respectful of the new people you are meeting. Everyone is at a different place in his or her life. She might not yet be ready to get matched. Or she might have different expectations about the whole process. Show some discretion. And when in doubt, bring your parents into it. This shouldn’t be a covert operation. It’s important to be open with your parents about your new friends and any potential “special someones.”
Q + A
Q: What do you do when you feel there is someone whom you would like to pursue the matching with but it is currently not the right time for that person? The prospective match may be studying abroad, or on a program like STF/GPA. I know that it’s not a good idea to talk directly to that person about the matching, and I’ve already talked with my parents and siblings. I guess the only thing I can really do is try and not think too much about it until I can actually pursue it. I’m trying not to become attached, and I’m hoping this time where I won’t see her for a long time will help. So maybe I just need time. I’m not exactly sure about my question, just looking for some words of wisdom from other people.
6 Ways to Meet the Ladies/Fellas
Josh Swenson
1. Go on an internship or visit friends in a different community
When we live in a community for long enough, we tend to establish ourselves in that community. We are known to act in a certain way, hang out with a certain group of people, and do certain things. But when we travel to new communities we get to re-establish ourselves. We can hang out with new people and make new friends, try acting and being different, and experience things that we wouldn’t do normally. This can work wonders for meeting and making friends with people of the opposite sex (which is a code word for “potential matching candidates”).
There was a time when I was stuck and on the verge of giving up hope on the whole matching thing. I didn’t think I was going to meet anyone new if I stayed in Chicago. Then I took an internship in California where I spent as much time as possible meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends. One of those friends introduced me to my wife. Best. Summer. Ever.
2. Don’t let concepts get in the way
We all have plenty of concepts about the people in our lives and new people we meet. Too fat. Too thin. Too talkative. Too shy. Or how about “why didn’t his previous matching work out? Something’s gotta be wrong with him.” Or “He’s too prude,” and “She’s too low standard.” It’s easy to see how concepts could get in the way of meeting new people. How could you become friends with someone if your concepts prevented you from ever giving her a chance? Examine your concepts and ask yourself whether they are founded. If not, then give that person a chance.
3. Talk to people of the opposite sex
Growing up in this church, many of us have learned to dissociate from the opposite sex. We thought those she-devils and he-devils were trying to undermine our purity. We sat on opposite sides of the room, were told not to even make eye contact, and heaven forbid if we were to hug or shake hands. That was a bit extreme and times have thankfully changed, but we are still left with the remnants of that culture.
Okay this is really obvious… If you want to meet and become friends and potentially get married to someone, you have to first let go of all of that fear and talk to him or her. If you never take that first step and talk to her, there’s no chance. Tell her your name! Ask her what she’s studying in school. Does that sound doable?
Repeat after me. Girls first. “It’s okay to talk to boys.” Now the boys. “It’s okay to talk to girls.” Alright! That’s a start… Now chat ‘em up.
4. Chat them up!
Facebook, G-Chat, Text messaging, Email (or how about in person? See number 3 above). Technology is on your side. If you are interested in someone then start chatting them up. It’s pretty easy to tell if he or she is into it (that person will respond to your chats… ) And by the power of Give and Take Action, one thing will lead to another and soon your friend may become a potential match.
That’s right. “Talk to them” has now appeared TWICE on this list.
5. Get out there and get noticed
There are many ways to get noticed in any community. Do things you love that highlight your talents.
Are you a musician? Volunteer with the worship band or sign up for open mic night; if there isn’t one your area, think about creating one. Are you good with children? Youth ministry teams always need volunteers and new ideas. Do you enjoy teaching? Try out teaching Sunday School or creating a tutoring team with other people to serve the community. Other special interests? Start a club and invite other young adults to join… hiking, cooking, reading, rock climbing, making movies, crafting, board gaming, trying new coffeeshops or restaurants, playing ultimate frisbee. Remember, don’t create clubs that are gender specific.
You never know who you’ll meet or who might be “on the lookout.”
6. Ask a married friend for suggestions or an introduction
Swenson’s Law states: If a person is married, he or she will contrive to “set up” his or her single friends. Married people are always looking to set up their friends! It’s a law of the universe. If you are single and you have married friends, they will be more than willing (it is actually written in their DNA) to help you. Your married friends are friends with someone who you are curious about romantically? Ask them to introduce you! Or better yet, have them arrange a mutual hang out so you guys can get to know each other (then proceed with items 3 and 4 from above).
So there’s the list! Now you can meet all the single ladies or fellas you can handle. But remember never to use these new powers for evil. You have to be respectful of the new people you are meeting. Everyone is at a different place in his or her life. She might not yet be ready to get matched. Or she might have different expectations about the whole process. Show some discretion. And when in doubt, bring your parents into it. This shouldn’t be a covert operation. It’s important to be open with your parents about your new friends and any potential “special someones.”
MATCHING-MENTOR.COM
| peer advice, support, inspiration |
6 Ways to Meet the Ladies/Fellas
Josh Swenson
1. Go on an internship or visit friends in a different community
When we live in a community for long enough, we tend to establish ourselves in that community. We are known to act in a certain way, hang out with a certain group of people, and do certain things. But when we travel to new communities we get to re-establish ourselves. We can hang out with new people and make new friends, try acting and being different, and experience things that we wouldn’t do normally. This can work wonders for meeting and making friends with people of the opposite sex (which is a code word for “potential matching candidates”).
There was a time when I was stuck and on the verge of giving up hope on the whole matching thing. I didn’t think I was going to meet anyone new if I stayed in Chicago. Then I took an internship in California where I spent as much time as possible meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends. One of those friends introduced me to my wife. Best. Summer. Ever.
2. Don’t let concepts get in the way
We all have plenty of concepts about the people in our lives and new people we meet. Too fat. Too thin. Too talkative. Too shy. Or how about “why didn’t his previous matching work out? Something’s gotta be wrong with him.” Or “He’s too prude,” and “She’s too low standard.” It’s easy to see how concepts could get in the way of meeting new people. How could you become friends with someone if your concepts prevented you from ever giving her a chance? Examine your concepts and ask yourself whether they are founded. If not, then give that person a chance.
3. Talk to people of the opposite sex
Growing up in this church, many of us have learned to dissociate from the opposite sex. We thought those she-devils and he-devils were trying to undermine our purity. We sat on opposite sides of the room, were told not to even make eye contact, and heaven forbid if we were to hug or shake hands. That was a bit extreme and times have thankfully changed, but we are still left with the remnants of that culture.
Okay this is really obvious… If you want to meet and become friends and potentially get married to someone, you have to first let go of all of that fear and talk to him or her. If you never take that first step and talk to her, there’s no chance. Tell her your name! Ask her what she’s studying in school. Does that sound doable?
Repeat after me. Girls first. “It’s okay to talk to boys.” Now the boys. “It’s okay to talk to girls.” Alright! That’s a start… Now chat ‘em up.
4. Chat them up!
Facebook, G-Chat, Text messaging, Email (or how about in person? See number 3 above). Technology is on your side. If you are interested in someone then start chatting them up. It’s pretty easy to tell if he or she is into it (that person will respond to your chats… ) And by the power of Give and Take Action, one thing will lead to another and soon your friend may become a potential match.
That’s right. “Talk to them” has now appeared TWICE on this list.
5. Get out there and get noticed
There are many ways to get noticed in any community. Do things you love that highlight your talents.
Are you a musician? Volunteer with the worship band or sign up for open mic night; if there isn’t one your area, think about creating one. Are you good with children? Youth ministry teams always need volunteers and new ideas. Do you enjoy teaching? Try out teaching Sunday School or creating a tutoring team with other people to serve the community. Other special interests? Start a club and invite other young adults to join… hiking, cooking, reading, rock climbing, making movies, crafting, board gaming, trying new coffeeshops or restaurants, playing ultimate frisbee. Remember, don’t create clubs that are gender specific.
You never know who you’ll meet or who might be “on the lookout.”
6. Ask a married friend for suggestions or an introduction
Swenson’s Law states: If a person is married, he or she will contrive to “set up” his or her single friends. Married people are always looking to set up their friends! It’s a law of the universe. If you are single and you have married friends, they will be more than willing (it is actually written in their DNA) to help you. Your married friends are friends with someone who you are curious about romantically? Ask them to introduce you! Or better yet, have them arrange a mutual hang out so you guys can get to know each other (then proceed with items 3 and 4 from above).
So there’s the list! Now you can meet all the single ladies or fellas you can handle. But remember never to use these new powers for evil. You have to be respectful of the new people you are meeting. Everyone is at a different place in his or her life. She might not yet be ready to get matched. Or she might have different expectations about the whole process. Show some discretion. And when in doubt, bring your parents into it. This shouldn’t be a covert operation. It’s important to be open with your parents about your new friends and any potential “special someones.”
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