It was a hectic day that would've brought me close to an emotional blow out: so many things went wrong or didn't happen at all. I would've been seething in an impotent despair right now if it wasn't for the new thoughts which were instilled in my brain during the meeting with Mr. P.
We talked about my children. The things that I've been struggling with: should we satisfy Hana's need for money every time she asks for it; should I insist that Sonny stops his all important gaming and video watching and gets off his behind to do something constructive, even if it's not just helping me (which he does when he makes time for it).
The first thing that Mr. P. talked about was co-dependency.
He defines it as surrendering our values and opinions because we fear anger or rejection of another person. So, parents, for example, endure kids' neglect and lack of help to keep them coming or staying home. The problem with this attitude is that the world is not built that way. No one else is going to put up with unequal relationships, - neither partners, nor bosses. Children need realistic boundaries so that they can comprehend the world and survive in it. If we instill a sense of entitlement in our progeny, they will not be able to function successfully in their own marriages, jobs or friendships. A very frightening and sobering thought that Mr. P. conveyed to me: "A sense of entitlement is a form of child abuse."
We also talked about safe people. Who are safe people? My father would've added: "And what do you eat them with?" Never mind, it's Jewish humor! They are the people, according to Mr. P., that leave you feeling energized and happier than before you interacted with them. They are friends who love and support you when you are at your ugliest and meanest.
I feel a contradiction here. When you are at your ugliest and meanest, good friends usually say: "I don't like your behavior, we'll see each other when you are over it!" God or one's own mother and father might still try to embrace and be with you in those times, but no one else will!
He talked about the Al Anon people being that kind of super friends. I had my own experience with well meaning and wonderful groups. They start by telling you how special you are and then forget you as soon as you are out of their eyesight. Can I really expect even the closest friends to stick around when I am whiny, gross and unteachable? I've been that: I lost all my, so called, friends at that time.
Wow, it took so little for me to become negative! Those are sore topics that we're talking about!
Mr. P. mentioned something that he calls "fecal personality", but I won't go into that. Don't ask, I just can't!
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