HOW TO FIND SOMEONE FOR YOU TO LOVE

     I told you that I am trying to help a friend to find a good match for herself. She is a wonderful person who came by a lot of bad luck in her life. Her first husband was from Africa. She went there with him, thinking only to start a beautiful family and add a good story to this sorry world's history. The husband treated her like something that he found on the bottom of his shoe. He hardly spent any time with her and was rude and insensitive to her. After she had a child, he began to disappear more and more often. She already suspected that he wanted nothing to do with her. When she became sick from the local food, she decided to leave Africa. For many years he wrote to her and phoned that he wants to emigrate to the U.S., but just needs some more money. You can guess that after wringing her dry, he married someone else (without even divorcing her first).
     Evelyn raised her son by herself, got him to overcome a lot of resentment toward herself and life in general, helped him to get into one of the best colleges in the country. All by herself! God was with her, obviously, but no one else helped much.
     SO now she feels ready to try another marital relationship. I am talking to people all over the world, but at the age of 55 it's very hard to be... What? Noticeable? Wanted? 
     It occurred to me that to gain some extra merit for oneself, a person in that situation needs to emit something into the cosmic ether! What I mean by that is: wish it, think and write about it,  pray about it, become someone that will help others, and especially, the hard on the emotional uptake, men, to feel your specialness. 
     This is an article I read today and asked Evelyn to read and follow the advise given there. The article talks about a person getting matched because in the Unification Movement that's how we get married, but I think that the advice can be applied to any situation that is hard to resolve and requires the cosmic input. See if it can help you!

[Making the Priority List] :: So tell me whatchu want, whatchu really really want…

 Ok, ok, I titled this post with a shameless Spice Girls reference, but you know what? It works.

     About 12 years ago I was talking to my mom on the phone and told her that I was open to being matched. I had thought about it, weighed my options, and I was open to letting her see if there was someone out there for me.

     Much to my surprise she asked me to start a journal and write down the things that I would want in a husband, partner, etc. I said, “Mom, I don’t think it works that way.” To which she replied, “Sure it does. Share what you want with God and see what he leads you to.”

     I didn’t know what I really wanted other than “nice to me” and “not ugly,” but I humored her and bought a fancy looking journal the next day. For a while, I would write down characteristics that came to mind. “easy conversation,” “likes to laugh,” “values His relationship with God,” etc. The list went on and on.

     Six months later, I got a call from my mom saying a parent had called her about their son and a potential match was on the horizon. I got so caught up in the whirlwind of “Who is he?” “What does he think of me?” etc etc, that I forgot the list completely. After a few months we decided to start a prayer condition to see what God thought of our possible couple, and during my prayer, I was reminded of the journal. The list was there, “easy conversation, likes to laugh, values His relationship with God…” I thought about my match and saw how he was made to order. With a little smile, I closed the book and finished my prayer. I didn’t need to ask anymore, I knew that God had heard me and had answered.

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Sarah Eide

Activity

Before starting your matching process, it’s good to sit down and think about what you are looking for in a spouse. What are your deal makers and deal breakers, negotiables and non-negotiables…

Take some time to write down everything and anything you are looking for in your future spouse. We’ll call it the “long list”.

Here are some topics to help you start off…

Topics: humor, faith, culture, language, race, education, profession, ambitions, travel, living abroad, ministry work, children, caring for parents/in laws, school, finances…

Once you’ve written it all out, use this list maker to PRIORITIZE (just click on the link, download as a PDF and print!)

Start with the Non-Negotiables box… choose only THREE things on you’re “long list” that you absolutely cannot live without in a spouse. Then try to think about why those things are so important to you and your future marriage.

Then continue by putting six more items from the “long list” into the Things That Would Be Nice box. These are the things you would really like to have in a spouse, but you could possibly be flexible about. Describe how you could be flexible and compromise. For example, “I would like for him to have the same hobbies as me… but if he is willing to try new things, I’d be open to him as a possible match.”

Finally, choose four things from the “long list” to go in the Bonus Points box. These are the qualities that are just extras. Things you can definitely live without, but would a plus in your marriage.

Once your done, you’ll probably notice that lots of items on your “long list” didn’t  make the Priority List. That’s ok! Hold on to both your lists as you go through your matching journey. You may find that after some time your priorities have changed and the items on your Priority List have shifted around. The Priority List is simply your reminder of what you value most in a spouse.

But your “long list” is still a genuine reflection and prayer that is worth keeping.