I felt safe in my assumption that things between Taka and me are doing better. Maybe because of his advancing age and less Testosterone coursing through his veins (my mother always did say that he'll become milder with age). Maybe, because of people praying for us; maybe - because of all the ancestors' interference - we began to have less fights and understand each other better. Of course, I also learned to shut up and keep my opinions to myself to avoid annoying him or simply started to behave like he was a tenant of whom I took care. It's been two years since that change took place. I settled in the belief that this is what I have to do to keep peace and, perhaps, get things to be a little better. I felt better!
|It says in Russian: "No blabbing!"|
Today Mr. P. opened that same book and found the page that I read. I read it again. And again. An idea began to crystallize in my mind of why I got anxious. I said it even before I finished to fully form it. "I realized that I have to leave that place that I considered emotionally safe these two years. Just staying out of each other's way and being codependent does not create a true family relationship."
Mr. P. strengthened that realization by advising me on how to start creating that relationship. He looked truly excited. He ran to his saddlebags (he rides his bike everywhere with 30 lbs saddlebags of books and materials on it). He brought back a stack of cards. They were a game that he likes to play called, the Un-game. On each card there was a simple or - not a very simple - question. What the players do is, each take turn in answering those questions. That makes for a nice way to find out about each other and have an easy give-and-take together. My assignment was to get Taka to have a cup of coffee with me and play the Un-game. Mr. P. trusted me with seven of his precious cards (he counted them out and made me swear that I will bring them back to him).
As I came home, I was ready to try . I went straight to the bedroom/office where Taka works with his favorite wives, the computers. "Hey, do you want to go get a cup of coffee somewhere?" - I asked airily. "Why?" - he asked showing me a mug on the table - "I already have a cup of coffee!"
"It's alright!" - I kept telling myself while retreating to the kitchen, and then cited to myself Mr. P.'s quote: "Expectation breeds frustration." "Do not expect him to change, do not try to change him." I was a little disappointed, but - there's always tomorrow!