AT SEA IN THE WORLD OF "MACHO, MACHO MEN"

     I shared at Al Anon meeting today. Not many people wanted to do it. I didn't want to do it. I, partially, gave in to Mr. P.'s cajoling at the time of our last session. What he said made sense: I didn't want to talk for fear of being a glory hound and using my words to get attention, but he said that I could just say that. That I don't want to talk for the fear of using my words to get attention. 
     How do I know if I am being genuine or not? Sometimes, I feel the hollowness of my own words and the showing off in my attitude. I began to catch myself on it and don't like myself much, when it happens. Am I that orally fixated? I often block out the thoughts of good nutrition and keeping fit for the sake of an extra bite (or two...). I love to talk and gossip, although I know that it's a bad habit. "Gimme, gimme. gimme!" I want attention, that's all!
     I also want to be a genuine person. I want people to give me attention because I have something worth while to contribute. When that happens, I'll be happy.
       After the meeting Doris, Mary and I went to Denny's for a cup of coffee. We had a good time, when my phone rang. I knew that it was Taka, but couldn't hear him very well. He helped me out by yelling at me (not to be heard but to get his frustration out). I said that I will be at home in 15 minutes and hung up. 

Mary. She already lost 25 lbs on her
Program. I lost 6 lbs without
a Program!

Doris

     It was hard to get a point across that I had to leave now: my friends were at the peak of their sharing mode. I raised one finger to attract their attention and told them about my reasons for leaving. Since Doris came with me in the car, she also had to go, but I had to almost drag her away from Mary!
     I hate that I have be so cautious about where I step with Taka. I should be able to just do or say what I think is right! But I had to even ask Doris if she thought that it was a good idea to call him before I came home. You see, I was afraid that there was some emergency at the house with Hanah or Roberta. I, finally, called. He answered by rudely inquiring: "What are you calling for?!" I kept my cool and asked about his reasons for wanting me to be home. He told me that there was some problem about one of our accounts. I am always amazed at how panicky and emotional the macho Japanese guys get when there is a financial problem. I envy them the freedom that they feel and practice in inflicting their bad  mood on the rest of the world!