Tuesday, August 26, 2014


     You wouldn't believe, what I just went through!    
jpeg (234×216)     Which of you would enjoy picking up the phone and hearing: "Dina Toyoda? My name is [so and so], I am calling you from the Internal Revenue Service!"
     The area code on the Caller ID was for Washington DC, but I didn't know it then. I listened quietly, as a man with a very pronounced Filipino accent struggled to convey to me that, there was a case initiated against me in the IRS and an arrest warrant issued.
     My first thought was: why against me? Taka and I file jointly and so, the case should be against both of us. 
     The man realized that, I couldn't understand him properly and passed the phone to someone else, whose English was only slightly better: "Please, maam, write down this number [gives me a number]. It is a number of the warrant for your arrest. In about half an hour police officers will come to your door. They will handcuff you and take you into custody."
   giphy.gif (320×240)  Now, I wrote some fiction before in this blog, and at least my sister got confused, thinking that it was real. THIS TIME IT WAS REAL!
     Blinking didn't help. I was awake and heard it all in my waking life. "What? What?!" - I stuttered. "What is the case against me? We filed taxes every year; didn't do any shenanigans, - just faithfully signed the pages prepared by our CPA agent!"
images (308×164)     The guy on the other end of the line kept saying something about us having to go through the legal proceedings, which would cost us something like $20,000. I began to see the truth of what was happening!
     "Give me your supervisor!" - I roared. Now he began to stutter: "Why? You can talk to me!" I was adamant: "SUPERVISOR! NOW!"
     Another man took the phone: "How can I help you? " - he said. In a very short conversation with him I noticed a flaw: he called me Dina Toyoda, but my legal name is Dina Minsky Toyoda. The IRS would have known it, since I always file under that name. 
     Working at the theater in my youth taught me to project my voice. I don't envy the man who heard me bellow: "You, sir, are a cad and a charlatan! I am calling the police right now!"
     To give him credit, he didn't blink (at least, I wasn't near him to see it): "Go ahead! They are on the way to your house right now!" 
     I hung up and dialed the police. A 911 (emergency) operator assured me that, this was a scam. By that time, Sonny and Roberta, both alerted by my hollering, were standing around me, looking concerned. The words IRS and arrest warrant seem to do it to people! I went to the kitchen and got myself a drink of water.  I said to them: 
     "You wouldn't believe, what I just went through!.."

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