From around 9 o'clock in the morning, I heard Taka's voice droning in Sonny's room. Sonny studied in Berkeley City College, a community college, for two years in order to transfer to Berkeley University. After High School he was accepted to Santa Cruz UC, but decided against going there. Now he thinks that, he should go to another college, may be a State University, instead of Berkeley.
This would've been the year for him to transfer, but he didn't have enough credits. His reasons: the City College didn't have enough classes. Of course, he could have taken classes online or at another community school in out vicinity, but - he didn't!
I found out about it before Taka. Sonny avoided telling his dad about it for as long as it was possible, then I did it. Taka was shocked! He deals with it by constantly talking at Sonny concerning that situation.
Everything he says is correct. Sonny should have been more serious and dedicated to his study goals. He should find a job and behave like an adult. But the way Taka talks would prevent anyone from absorbing the wisdom and righteousness of his words!
First of all, he can be at it for a couple of hours! Sonny says that, after a while, he forgets the purpose of Taka's speech. Second, his English is not perfect, and it can be hard to understand him.
And, most of all, he heats up during his, largely, monolog (Sonny has no chance to answer anything), and starts losing his temper. He expresses it by punching or kicking the wall or Sonny's bed, if Sonny is still in it.
I don't want Sonny to feel like he is all alone, and that I support his dad's methods. Over the years, I tried to interfere and say something, but it looked like Sonny also resents my actions! Now I only interject something when I hear Taka becoming more aggressive.
Today was a bit different. After a while, Taka and Sonny came to the dining room table, where I could be a part of the conversation. I told Sonny that I agree with his dad's meaning, namely, with the part where he told Sonny to get more serious and find a job, or move out of the house and learn to support himself on his own. I also said that, we try to influence Sonny out of love and concern for his future.
For the longest time Sonny didn't respond to anything. He looked annoyed and upset. Taka eventually withdrew to his office, and Sonny and I continued without him.
I think, Sonny wants to hang on to his childhood a little bit longer. That's the main reason, why he doesn't focus on his studies and building his future. He told me as much, when I told him that he was an adult. "I am, literally, just half a year older than 18!" - he said. I responded to it, of course, but in my heart I understand him. People are all different: some can't wait to start their adult lives and some dread the unknown and continue to live their safe, predictable routines.
As you noticed, I managed to draw Sonny out of the stony silence. We talked about his goals for taking the missing classes next year, and he told me at first that it was all set for the first semester, then admitted that he had to wait for his grades to be posted to take one other class. I urged him to create a system that would help him focus and talk to a counsel.
I suspect that Sonny is depressed. Sure, he loves gaming and watching internet videos and doesn't fulfill his responsibilities because of that. But an underlying reason for him spending most of the free time in his room and in his bed is that, he is not sure of his role as an adult or a child and of our love for him.
How do we push him out of that rut? I only hope that, he will agree to meet with Mr. P. and respond to a reasonable counselling. Hope! Herein lies the pain and the cure!