Saturday, May 24, 2014
IT HURTS SO GOOD! or BE AUTHENTIC!
For the last couple of hours, I'm enduring the cries of frustration from Sonny. I guess, it's my fault for buying cheap furniture with inadequate instructions and stupid assembly. I guess...
We went to buy a shelf for the living room, and found one that can double as a table for my stuff. Sonny was very helpful in analyzing the available furniture as by it's usefulness to our purpose. He was the muscles that carried shelf to the house. Then, his patience came to an end!
Right away we made a mistake and had to redo the steps that we finished. It happened again and again. I stopped giving advice or comment on Sonny's progress, because then his anger turned to me. I am telling myself that, this is good, he will learn from his mistakes and emotional anguish. And he will.
He put some nice music on in an attempt to ease his labors. I ordered him Chinese food delivery, to provide some comfort. Just now he turned the table over, and the shelf that he managed to finally screw in fell down. A small comment escaped me then, and Sonny glared at me. I mimed locking my lips and throwing away the key. That seemed to make him happier.
Taka came to ask if there was any food to eat. I told him that, it was coming, and he replied that I am draining the family finances. I bet, if I didn't order food, he would've done it, even if there was dinner prepared tonight.
Sylvie slinked around the room, alarmed by all these new smells and frantic activity. Her bright green eyes searched our faces, and she went sniffing the floor, checking out the parts of the table lying there. She tried to jump on my lap, but, alas, her fat little body is not very agile: she failed, attempted to hold on to my dress with her claws, heard my anguished screams (her claws raked my thigh) and scrambled over my chest and shoulder to the top of the couch. I immediately forgot pain and began to scratch her under the chin to comfort yet another member of my family.
In Al Anon, we hear that, we do not always have to try and placate others to avoid conflict. At least I now know, that being a goody-too-shoes and lower than the grass when it comes to dealing with others' negative emotions, does not solve problems. Mr. P. keeps repeating it: "Being authentic in a relationship sometimes means disagreeing with each other, and that gives rise to better intimacy".