HELLO AGAIN

     I have no idea, what to tell you! That I am in a lot of pain from gout? That I can not go excising  because of that? That I can hardly walk a few steps and do a few chores in the house, while mess piles up and my conversation with myself consists of: "I should do this! No, I can't! They know that I can't, right?" 

     I am still on the diet, although I had to eat some normal food instead of the special shakes and bars. Why? I have so much stress from pain, that it's harder to control myself. I try to limit the portions, and I don't think, I consume more calories than if I ate the bars and drank the shakes. I lost some weight these couple of weeks again. Not as much as I should've, of course, but a good amount.

     Gout is considered a disease of the idle and the spoiled. I am ashamed to tell others about it, because I am struggling all my life with a stigma of being lazy. I could be more active, I give you that, but then - I am always thwarted by the state of my health. As soon as my foot felt better, I began to clean and cook and run around on errands. Two-three days later, I was back on the couch, gulping down Tylenol (pain meds) and trying in vain to find a position in which my foot would stop hurting. You might say that, this was just these few months. What was I thinking all these years, when pounds kept rolling on and my health declined? 

     I can't find a good enough excuse! I shouldv'e been more health conscious. I should've exercised more and eaten less. I know all that. I was just so caught up in day to day living, that I ignored myself. 

    It's funny, a lady who knows me just a little, came to visit recently, offering her aid in doing house chores or anything I needed. I couldn't let her wash and vacuum, of course, so we spent a few hours chatting and drinking tea. People who know me for decades and are aware of my situation never tried to even just make an extra phone call to see how I am or offer any kind of help. That just goes to show you and me that I've been in a wrong sort of crowd! That lady who came to see me is very busy. She is extremely occupied by her work and church. Most of my friends have only their families and 9 to 5 jobs. They are just too afraid to stretch themselves on behalf of another person, too set in their ways to leave their comfort zones. 

     Should I be ranting like that? Why not? These thoughts are already in my head, I might as well let them out! 

     I need all the help I can get. Yet I understand that it will not come from outside. It has to come from me and my Higher Power. I have no idea, when my (my own) Higher Power will kick in, but I trust that it will. Perhaps, the Highest Power is now leading me to think about and dig deeply into my life so that I can survive and come out stronger, happier and thinner from this ordeal! Will you pray for me or say a word of encouragement in some comments? I would really appreciate it!