RAVING MAD

     And another thing!.. Just kidding, I didn't mean to start this way!
     A month or so ago, I forgot to take my credit card with me, when it was time to pay for my food at Kaiser (if this is the first time you read my blog, you might be very confused. It's OK, just start from the posts around January-February). I have to buy a weekly supply every Monday and also pay for the Program itself. So, a few months ago, I forgot my credit card and had to go pay the next day. Taka told me then: "You could've payed with a debit card (a card that is connected directly to one's checking account). 
     Last Monday, I forgot my credit card again. I tried to reach Taka all day to see if he minds if I use debit card. I called, left him phone messages, texted and e-mailed. Finally, I sent a text: "If you don't tell me otherwise, I will use debit card to pay $500.00 for the Program. He stayed quiet.
     I went and payed and got my food. As I came back home, Taka greeted me with a hysterical tirade: "Why did you pay with debit card?! There is zero balance on our account!" I tried to explain my position and all that I did to reach him, but he didn't want to hear it. He ranted on and on about my inability to comprehend family's financial situation. He reminded me again and again about every instance I let him and the family down by doing something dumb, like on that day. In vain, I tried to say that I just followed what he told me to do the last time I forgot credit card! He ran back and forward, raving mad, demanding that I call and cancel the transaction. That didn't work, it already went through. 
     By that time, I was also mad. I didn't engage in verbal battle with him (well, may be some...). I told him after a while that, if he wanted to talk to me or for me to do something, he'll have to calm down. He didn't. I sent Sonny to him for something and heard how he verbally attacked our son, who was completely innocent of any wrongdoing! He kept yelling that I should just quit the Program, if I insisted on ruining family finances.
     That did it. I refused to talk to him. He also doesn't talk to me. Today he called to find out if I finished arranging for our tax return to be prepared. Fine, like I said many times before, our relationship is more like, if we were working together. If that's how he wants it, I hope, he'll be happy with the results!
     Hmm, not really. I don't want it like that. I am not going to let him attack me and Sonny that way, though. I am his equal, even if I made a mistake (which I didn't). When will he recognize my and our family's value? Are we just some entrees in his bookkeeping ledger? 
     I feel more resilient, though. Are you tired of me adding it to every blog that I write? No, really, just half a year ago, I would've taken it much harder! I moved a little bit forward on the way to emotional recovery, didn't I? Life throws punches, but now I have moves to deflect or take them without much harm to myself. Thank God for that!