Mr. P., my counsel, looked at me meaningfully and said: ""No" is a complete sentence!"
We were talking about me falling a prisoner of my hospitality instinct. I was happy to take care of Zhenya, but at some point, feeding him began to feel as an obligation, which he seemed to readily exploit. Co-dependency is when one lets the way others look at them or judge them dictate one's actions and color their world. I spent an unreasonable amount of time, energy and resources (money, food), trying to be a good hostess. Is that any way to have a relationship?!
Today I am 56. Yes, it's my birthday! Feel free to leave comments, everyone! But my point is, I still feel as a young girl, who cringes at a possibility of being judged harshly, even when the problem is just in her head.
In an unequal relationship, nothing will make a more aggressive person like or dislike us. They have a different motivation for their feelings: domination and subjugation. So, don't you think, we might as well do what's in our own interests, as long as it doesn't harm others?
Mr. P. is a proponent of an idea that success is irrelevant. Failure - is an opportunity to grow. We can only fail disastrously if we don't get up every time we are thrown off the proverbial "horse" and get back on, at least, managing to stay on it for a few seconds more. In other words, taking a few steps in a right direction is better than having a major victory.