MAD LADIES AND THE STICK.

      It's pretty hard to find anything optimistic or half-alive to say! Everything is alright, but I am in a bit of a slump. A rot. A damp... A dump...
     Lots happened. The floor in Hanah's room is finished, I even dared to order the laying of the tile in the entry place in the living room. The carpet there had black spots from when people came in with their shoes on. I asked Zhenya (emphasis on the first syllable), my Russian worker, to take carpet off and put tile instead. 
     It took Zhenya a while to finish the floors. His American companion didn't come to work. He did a great job, though!
     Before he started, Zhenya said that he will finish everything in one day. He worked for a week! Of course, we asked him to do

other things than just floors, but he was done with them in a New York minute! I think, (and choose to believe it) that the reason for him tarrying on was my cooking. Don't be shocked, I can cook!
     Like in many Old World countries, one of the most upheld virtues in Russia is hospitality. Once I began to invite Zhenya for every meal, though, I didn't know how to stop. He is a 6 feet 3 inches tall fellow, and, I guess, working hard as he did took a lot out of him. I spent whole days shopping, planning meals and cooking, mainly, for him! And, let me tell you, he could eat! Last night, after Zhenya finished all the work, I said: "Hey, we have pizza here, as well as some soup, chicken and rice. What do you want to have for dinner?" "I can try all of those things" - he replied!
     My foot doesn't hurt. I am ecstatic about it, but now the other limb is beginning to ache. Fortunately, it's not gout, and I now know to use Tumeric poultices to alleviate tendinitis pain. Because of Prednisone, medicine that stopped gout, my blood sugar is very high. Doctors say that it will come down after I finish taking Prednisone.  
     Keeping diet is another thing. I can stop myself from inhaling usual food during the day. I can't make myself conscientious enough to eat the prescribed bars and shakes or drink enough water. At night, all bets are off! I will eat of any food that is left in the kitchen. I am a lost cause, I guess!
     Today is Friday. On Wednesday, I went to Al Anon meeting for the first time in a month (put real shoes on for the first time in a month too!). It was nice. And JUICY!
     One of the men came with his wife. They are people from my church, and I was surprised to see her there. I admired that couple and thought that they are a success story: he is American, she is Japanese. They have a few children, who are highly capable in many different fields: from school work to musical talents. Parents always seemed united and loving to each other. The wife could be a bit derisive toward me, but I let it slide.
     Like I said, I was surprised to see her there. People from our church are slow to adopt other ways than the ones that come from the church to deal with problems. And the solutions to our problems never come from our church!
    The Japanese lady smiled and introduced herself to the group. A minute later, I saw her get up and hurriedly walk away. I assumed that she was going to the bathroom. A minute later, I heard "Oh, my God!" - from her husband. Group members began to jump to their seats and look out of the window. "They are stealing his car!" - someone yelled! 
     "They" didn't steal it. The wife did! She drove out of the parking lot like a movie stunt driver: over the ENBANKMENT ! 
     Now, if she was a young girl, I could understand her excitability, but she is my age. To pull a thing like that and leave husband stranded many miles away from their house takes quite a bit of anger! Poor fellow, he tried to put up a calm front, but I can only imagine, how embarrassed and hurt he was!
     But anyway... 
     We talked about autonomy. I shared that, autonomy is a stick with two ends (what stick isn't?). What did I mean? 
     On the one hand, we all want to be free to make our own choices and decisions. On the other - we might not be prepared to do so. When Taka and I fight about money, he sometimes brings all our check books and credit cards, throws them in front of me and says: "So, you want to be in charge of all that? Go ahead!" My reaction is far from admirable: I shrink away, because I am not prepared for that responsibility. It's understandable, of course: he was in charge of our finances and I didn't get deeply involved in them. But he takes my reluctance as a sign that I am a stupid, weak female. 
      I fight him for equality in financial matters, but am unwilling to be responsible for them.