Tuesday, April 8, 2014


     My life is a chaos. I don't know, if that's the right word to use, but it seems like a right choice at this moment. I started to, finally, take care of myself and look for footholds in my life to do so. I began therapy, started a Weight Management Program and exercising in the pool with my friend. It looks rosy, doesn't it? 
     Besides not having enough will power to stick to my diet and exercise, we are now running out of money! I know: I know, we are going to have a lot of expenses with preparing for my Japanese niece's coming and staying with us and with two kids in college! I bet you, when Hanah comes for the summer vacation, she will say that, she needs money for the new school year...
     I decided last week to drop the diet Program. The money that Taka prepared for it is gone. There seemed to be no other way to deal with this situation. I also have to take Prednison for gout. It's a very effective steroid medication, that, at long last, began to help with unending pain and inflammation in my foot. Unfortunately, it's the same drug that made me gain weight when I was a teenager! So, even if I continue the Weight Management, I will have something in my system to counteract all the weight losing measures!
     How do I get out of this quagmire of problems? When I try to discuss it with Taka, he just gets mad. When it comes to money, he can not be reasonable or even civil. 
     Do I pray enough? Do I kid  myself about my ability to be earnest and serious enough to even approach recovery from many emotional and physical problems that I brought on myself? I need God to step in! I need someone resourceful and levelheaded to help me figure out, what's the best course of action. 
     Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that the diet Program is too important to stop. Recently, I realized that, I have only about twenty, maybe, - thirty more years to live. My mother died when she was seventy nine... I will be fifty six this month! I want to see my children get married, help them, if I can, hold my grandchildren! How am I going to be able to do it if I regain the weight that I lost and become incapacitated by a myriad health problems that come with it? I wouldn't even want to live like that! 
     I have some ideas, how to continue the Weight Management. They may not pan out, but I owe it to myself to try! So, it's time for my optimism burst: I will talk with people on the Program. Perhaps, they can offer me a modified option, when I wouldn't have to pay quite as much for my weight loss. I Might be able to convince Taka then to invest a little more into me. 
     The doctor said that, even though Prednison does inhibit weight loss, once I stop taking it, it's adverse influence will discontinue. So, if I can still trust doctors (it would be a miracle, considering all that they put me and my family through), I will be able to keep losing weight. 
     Most of all, I rely on my Higher Power. And I mean: my power and God's. My - Higher - Power! 

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