Thursday, June 19, 2014


    images (324×155) I don't know, what's going on with me. I am fine in the morning, able to wash and clean and cook... In the afternoon, I become desperate and start feeling put-upon. That results in me not, actually, finishing some chores or errands and either buying food for dinner or refusing to make it and putting Taka in the position to order a take out.
     According to him, I am draining the family finances. He doesn't seem to be too concerned about the finances when he gets an urge to get a pie or some other treats. I only follow his example, thinking that now is not the time to scrimp and scrape...
     I also became aware of the fact that I didn't try to write anything of value these few months. I miss the itching in my soul, as I look for ideas and words to put them in. 
     I re-read Moriko and The Shelter. Did you read those stories? No one ever left me any comments about them, and a few people whose opinion I asked, didn't tell me anything that I could decisively interpret: either good or bad. I would appreciate any feedback from you, my readers!
     Hanah uses the bars and the shakes that are left from my Weight Management Program. She eats one normal meal a day, usually, dinner, but spends her days laying on the couch and staring into her IPod. 
     She worked on a Thank You card for her Japanese grandparents (they sent kids a good sum of money). It turned out to be a picture, about one foot by one foot, depicting a pine tree (the Toyoda family crest) in the foreground of a Japanese landscape. I thought that, it was even better that way.
After Hanah's dad looked at it and told her his opinion, she locked herself in the bathroom and didn't come out for a long time. I, following my new decision to speak with Taka honestly and not hide or accept his vague answers, asked him, what he thought of Hanah's picture. It took some time and nerves to get an answer out of him, because he is a master of leaving things unsaid and misunderstood. Finally, he squeezed it out, around a huge mouthful of food: "It's hard to get the point!" I pushed a little more, and he translated: "I thought, she was making a card. She needs to write a few sentences to thank the grandparents." 
1_123125_2135002_2180608_2203666_081107_fam_kidstn.gif.CROP.original-original.gif (252×412)emotional+bank.jpg (591×424)    Hanah put her picture aside and didn't touch it since then. I am unsure, how to change that situation. I told Hanah that I loved it and gave her some honest remarks in regards to the picture. Her and Sonny's relationship with their dad consists of listening to his long tirades and ranting, which do not include any assurance of his love and support. Just now, I told him that he needed to first build up his Emotional Bank Account with children, instead of emotion.gif (537×558)constantly barraging them with his ideas and complaints. I guess, my relationship with him is not strong enough to withstand me giving him advice: he walked off, slammed some door in the back of the house and now is talking at Sonny. 

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