A few thoughts occurred to me as I was driving to an appointment with Mr. P.
I began to agonize again about my apparent lack of luck in achieving lasting positive results. It seems that I, finally, began to take care of myself. Why is it so difficult for me to do the right thing? Even when I apply willpower and perseverance, all my efforts go in the toilet!
If only I could stop hoping for a better outcome! How painful it is when my hopes get dashed!
"What am I missing?" - I thought. Hope is the result of faith. Do I even know, what it means, to have faith?
I reached with my heart and mind to talk to God. It was not easy to do while navigating a freeway! Still, with some effort and flexing of my "prayer muscles", I could feel some degree of spiritual awareness.
Do I even know, what it means to have faith? I live, most of the time, comfortable life; there is no immediate danger to me or my loved ones. Yet I already lost faith that, God can reach me in my circumstances and help me change my life for the better! I am crying about a little pain and being abandoned by friends. Is my situation that severe? Didn't others endure much more without any visible means of relief, but kept believing that the Higher Power is in control and has a purpose for their lives and suffering?
I might be simple-minded and an idiot, but I began feeling better almost right away. All through my session with Mr. P., I kept thinking: "I need to learn about faith!" He told me about how God chose us from the foundations of His Creation, that He sends His Word to us, which will not ignored or thwarted. I needed more. I need to work on my faith, so that God can reach me, and I can reach Him!