It's been a few days since I wrote anything. I try to stick to my diet and think: "Higher Power". Still, the whole Saturday, I ate usual food instead of the shakes and bars prescribed in my diet.
An acquaintance has been asking me to start going out as couples. Davis and his wife, Kyoko, met us at a Vietnamese restaurant on Saturday. I planed to just have a salad, but they had no salads there that didn't include deep fried chicken. So, I had half a portion of grilled chicken and veges. Although it's a minute part of what I would've eaten without the diet, it was a lot more than I should've eaten.
I know that couple for a long time. She is Japanese and he is American. I've always felt that she was inexplicably too reserved whenever we talked. As we tried to make a conversation, I was struck by the way Kyoko treated David. Perhaps, it was an attempt to get back at him for bringing her into a social situation that she tried to avoid, but she was decidedly unpleasant to him.
He began talking about our church and the necessity of change. She said to him repeatedly: "Why-y-y do you have to say these things?! Why-y-y do you have to make a change?! I don't like it! I don't like you!" Taka and I have our problems, but I would never talk to him that way in front of others! David asked me: "What do you think, Dina, should I follow Kyoko's advice and keep quiet?" I said: "If there was something worth saving in our church, I would say - go for it, rile things up. But since, in my opinion, there is nothing to save, - I say - listen to your wife!" I was partially trying to show that I was on Kyoko's side, although my nature is, usually, to be a rebel. As we continued to talk, Kyoko was unmoved by any reasons that David put out in favor of him speaking against the church policies. Taka and I squirmed in our seats from the embarrassment of hearing the wife being so unsupportive and outright hostile to her husband, although this was also the first time that I heard Taka talk about the church and that there have to be some changes made. After we left the restaurant, Taka said: "I think, she doesn't realize that she is married to an American! She is very traditional in her thinking, as a Japanese: not wanting to stir things up at any cost."
I made a promise to a young lady from the Al Anon meeting to pick her up in my car and bring to a monthly fellowship, that was going to happen that same evening. So, I drove to Oakland (the middle of "the hood", like my other friend called that area) and met her there. She is a 38 years old American, but looks like she is in her twenties. We found the church where the meeting was going to happen with some difficulty. I think, she lost her confidence in my being able to get her to the right place a couple of times on that trip.! It was a smaller gathering this time: last time a few districts held it together. Mr. P. was one of the speakers. Another one was a man representing the AA. It was interesting to hear about his road to recovery and the process of finding a motivation for it, except at the times when he read quotes from one of the books. At those moments, his voice lost all intonation and he would mumble under his breath something that no one could understand.
I was feeling a bit down, because my conscience bothered me for getting a little of the salad and meatballs at the meeting, so I was just biding my time until we could go home.
Mr. P. came up to the podium and gave his talk. He is an eloquent and engaging speaker, so I woke up for a time from my doom.
Before we left the meeting, I asked some ladies whom I knew, if I could call or text them in the morning and evenings about how my diet was going. They were very warm and receptive and that made my mood better.
I followed the young woman whom I now had to bring back to Oakland down the the church stairs. She took them in one step, while I had to struggle from one stair to another, minding my aching feet. She was watching me from the sidewalk, and I felt embarrassed by my clumsy progress. My habit is to hide the embarrassment by a bravado, so I blurted out in a friendly tone: "Watch your weight!"
I don't know, what I expected, but not that! She began to share with me her anxiety about, possibly, gaining weight and losing her health! Wasn't that a welcome respite from the misery of my usual self-doubt! I could talk openly with her about the habits of eating and the foods that brought me to such sorry state and could be harmful to her. She is a very kind soul, anyway!
That whole day was a mixed bag of nuts! I mean that, some experiences and people that I met were inspiring, and some... well... weren't. I took some steps to get a better grip on my diet, but still doubt my ability to succeed. And, as I write that, I remind myself that, I am not alone in my struggle. HEAVENLY FATHER will lend me some strength, MY HIGHER POWER will lead me to better health and well-being!