I will be fifty seven tomorrow. Wow, could it really be true? I don't feel like a fifty seven year old! Not on the inside, anyway!
Life is offering me so much right now. And I don't mean the external gifts. Internally I am more at peace than I ever was.
In the Unification Church I was happy for a long time. I felt, I had a purpose, and my life meant something. But after a few years I began to catch myself being more smug than righteous and more wound up than genuinely enjoying the moment. I didn't want to do anything anymore, but still spouted at everyone the same ideas and encouragements.
Thank you, In Jin Moon, for helping me make up my mind to look somewhere else for spiritual growth and enlightenment! For many years we sat in a church, watching you on the screen (the normal Sunday sermons, given by a local pastor, were suspended). There was something wrong with the whole picture, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Was it that, we had nothing in common with a young Korean woman - you - preaching at us? We listened to you speak with a put-upon British accent of the loyalty to the True Parents (your parents) and their teachings, which you were already cheerfully betraying in your own life; we knew, we should be inspired, but fell asleep anyway. Perhaps we (I, at least) felt that, you were as false as that British accent of yours!
Ooph, I slipped right back into the resentment mode! No, this is over. I won't give them another ounce of my time or energy. I am grateful and happy to be out and starting my new life.
If only there was more years of life left for me to start! Today I read a little poster with Buddha's saying: "The trouble is, you think, you have enough time!" He knew, what he was talking about: life is so fragile and uncertain, who knows, when the rug will be pulled from under our feet, and we'll go to meet our Maker?
When I go, I'd like it to be... What a strange thought to have on the eve of one's birthday! Well, wait until you are fifty seven, you'll be thinking these things too!
But, seriously, did you ever think, how it will happen? What would be the last words you speak, the last touch of your hand, the last deed? Dear God, please, empty my heart of all bitterness, so that on my last minutes on this Earth I can offer something of lasting value to the people around me. Dear God!