It's a good thing, I am not as insecure as I was a couple of years ago!
Sonny's news that, he missed a deadline to transfer into a 4 year college shook me up. I don't know, how to be a kind of a parent, who wouldn't react to such situation with dismay. The thing that causes me most pain is not whether Sony goes to college or not. I am concerned about the way his character is shaping up to be.
I heard the alarm bells in my mind, when he would refuse to get up even for the most important of the reasons. Noticing, how he would stuck in his room made me very uneasy, although he and some other people told me, it was usual for the young people these days to spend so much time gaming or watching videos and anime online.
But Sonny seemed so determined to go to college right after school and told me so many stories about his classes, teachers and the material he studied (he was very easy going, once he came out of his cave)! I told myself: "See, he is managing! He'll do fine!"
It's not a tragedy, that he didn't manage to get into college this year. There are other options for his education. I am talking about the fact that, 1. He put entertainment and leisure ahead of his main job - study and 2. He would not acknowledge his mistake in any way, as well as continue (at least outwardly) to lead the same way of life, taking no responsibility to correct the situation.
He is my son, and I love him. I want him to grow to be a great man, husband and father - a citizen - who can add something to the world.
I worked hard these few days to calm down, understanding the need to be objective and not screw up the situation even further. I wrote a few post in this blog, each of them - calmer than another. I continue to take part in the discussions Sonny and Taka have, even though they largely ignore my point of view.
Mr. P. was very helpful for me to understand Sonny's reality. We talked about it at length at our sessions. I am still working up my nerve to tell Sonny, he has to shape up or find himself another place to live, as Mr. P. suggested. Imagine my surprise, when in reaction to me half-humorously calling Sonny a slacker in one of my posts, Mr. P. wrote a comment, where he strongly warned me off being judgemental toward Sonny or harming him emotionally. I continuously tried to explain myself, pointing out: I wrote the blog with love and humor (the pictures of Sonny in that post are cute, with nothing to suggest me judging him). I even pointed out that, I don't claim to know it all, and Mr. P. could be right, but he kept on insisting that, my blog became "insecure place" and telling me, how I should or shouldn't apologize.
I learned from Mr. P. how to observe the boundaries. It's my blog, I write it to work out some of my thoughts or problems. I'll gladly take advice, but enough is enough!