Monday, April 13, 2015

PAIN OR NO PAIN - repost and a commentary

     Here is a repost of my New Year's blog. I worried about Hanah then. Gee, is there no end to this parent's roller-coaster? Still, I am learning some things. Just a little while ago Mr. P. wrote a comment to my latest post,"Life of a slacker". He said, he is uncomfortable with me judging Sonny as a slacker, and I should first "clean my side of the street before talking about my son that way. 
     1. I referred to Sonny as a slacker with love and humor.
     2. In my session with Mr. P. he agreed with me in that assessment and suggested to take some strict measures, to aid the development of Sonny's character.
     3. This blog is not only for the benefit of my readers, it's also  the way for me to voice my concerns, so I don't regret honestly doing just that. 
     4. I did criticize myself, as well as Sonny, for similar behavior in my past life.
     5. I referred to Sonny as a slacker with love and humor.
     6. Mr. P. might be right and I just don't get it, how to deal with a 20 year old young man, who wouldn't give a flying ... for his future.

    So, here we go:

Lame New Year? No way!
I am lame, actually, on both legs. My knee hurts, but not as much as an ankle tendon on the other foot. 
Taka suddenly realized, I was in no condition to provide the family with a New Year's dinner. 
He and Sonny went to a Japanese store and got lots of sushi and other delicacies.

In these little foil cups are little salads. Until I took some of the stuff in my mouth and asked Taka, what that was, I didn't know that, they were made with the things like, sea snails, veges, crab meat, and tiny flying fish roe.
Roberta, probably expected a more traditional American dinner, but she had to make do with the Japanese delicacies.
Everyone went to bed right after we celebrated the arrival of the New Year. 
violet-crawley-dowager-countess-of-grantham-gif-downton-abbey.gif (500×200)I stayed up because I thought, last night would air a new episode of the Downton Abbey. I watched it with delight, but it was the beginning for the last season. I can't wait until the new season's episodes would air, although I keep reminding myself of, how ridiculous it is to worry about the trials of the family, living in a mansion with a huge staff of servants. Still...
buttercup-the-duck-with-a-3d-printed-foot-92.gif (356×200)RpCC4.gif (450×221)All night after that I tried to find a way to place my screaming foot so it wouldn't hurt. I, probably, shouldn't have eaten so much of kimchi, because my stomach kept sending me alarming signals. I tell you, getting to the bathroom on two lame feet wasn't fun at all!
I got up late, made breakfast for Roberta. We started talking about Hanah. I poured out my worries and feelings to Roberta, who didn't have anything encouraging to say, except a warning that, I had no control over Hanah's life, and, if I tried to push her, I would push her away and right into trouble.
When I got up from the table, my foot didn't hurt as much anymore! It happened right after a conversation with Roberta. Could it be, my unspoken worries are the ones, that make me sick, and letting them out will make me pain free?! 


  1. I am uncomfortable with put downs used for humor. I have witnessed many scarred by comments said in jest. Such humor doesn't meet my need for the respect and dignity everyone deserves, nor my need for harmony and emotional safety.

    Unfortunately, writing doesn't convey sarcasm well. When reading them, I took your comments at face value. There was no clue indicating you were kidding. Lacking was knowing your tone of voice or if you were smiling when you wrote what you did. When a joke about a person contains a strong element of truth, I am uncomfortable. Frequently, such comments are an indirect form of communication. I prefer focusing on ourselves, avoiding the judgment of others. In the Book of James it says

    "The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere." James 3:17

    By all means, continue with this humor, if you want. It's just not my taste. I am simply expressing my concerns,making a request. Please take what you like, leaving the rest.

  2. What I wrote about Sonny wasn't a put down. Neither was it sarcastic. If my writing didn't convey the humor or a smile in my voice, I apologize for it, and the time for me to walk on eggshells around Sonny is over. You, yourself, suggested as much. I don't aim to offend or please anyone.

  3. I am not in agreement with you. I am also sad to read your reply. I am not interested in convincing you.

    It isn't a matter of pleasing or offending anyone. It is a matter of doing what is right, living by healthy principles, including discretion. It is never our job to judge another, be it Sonny or anyone else.

    We are discussing two different issues. This isn't the forum to air private personal matters regarding Sonny. If you want to, about yourself, that's fine, your choice. Unfortunately, your son doesn't have a choice in the matter, when you reveal your feelings about him, me or anyone else.

    In Al-Anon Family Groups we are not to do an inventory of another. We keep the focus on ourselves, only. I prefer hearing you discuss your needs under your judgments. I will not be able to visit this place if it is about judging others. Judging only alienates relationships. It lacks grace, it leads to condemnation.

    I request we air your concerns with whoever it is, me---or anyone---face-to-face. This isn't the place. I know of no one who wants to read material that creates tension. I will no longer communicate with you here, about matters between you and I.

    I don't like the use of the word "if," when apologizing. Any apology including that word is not an apology. When I do something wrong, I take ownership, admitting my error. "An admission of error is a sign of strength, not weakness." Goethe. I agree with him. .

    1. Again, what I wrote about Sonny was not in judgement or condemnation. I was revealing my own feelings about his behavior,. I am also not interested in an argument for the sake of winning an argument. This is not an Al Anon sight, it's my personal blog, and if I want to share in it, using the words if, or, but or anything else, that comes out of my heart, it is up to me to do so.

    2. He needs a psychologist, because all athletes have psychologists to focus and self-confidence ahead of the competition. THIS is the usual nowadays. L