Wednesday, April 8, 2015


     Past the fresh salmon and crab in convenient, neat packages, pass the wines and the electronics; The bright colored ladies' and men's shirts and jackets didn't tempt us enough to deter us from a chosen goal: beef jerky!
     Costco, as I suspected, sapped my energy, like Sahara's sand seeps water. Nothing that I liked had an affordable price tag, and a lot of things that I WANTED, but shouldn't buy, winked at me from every shelf and aisle. 
     Taka gave me a $125 card for Costco and warned: it was to be for our two weeks' groceries. The trouble is, I can't make myself buy $12.00 worth of ham there, if I can purchase it for one third of that price at a neighborhood store! 
     We did get beef jerky. Taka would've burst into tears if we didn't. I also acquired some deserts, even though my conscience is beating its wings and pecks on my brain. 
     Sonny helped. For about a week he silently endures my decision: no rides for him! I can't muster enough courage and ruthlessness to throw him out of the house each morning, as I proposed, after the revelation that, he missed a deadline transferring into 4 year colleges. I believe, he needs to grow up. He needs to find a job, make his own way in life. But today, as Roberta and I sat in a restaurant near Sonny's college, my hands moved by themselves, and traitorous fingers texted him: "Where are you?" He called me in half an hour. He finished his test and needed a ride. 
Sonny - with an appropriately sad expression on his face,
wearing Japanese clothes.
     We met Sonny at our car in a restaurant's parking lot. I saw a lot of relief on his face. It turned out, he didn't have enough money to take  BART to get to community college. He had to walk for 3 miles and after school, he thought, he'd have to repeat the same thing! That was before I contacted him. Mommy to the rescue! Bad mommy, bad! 
     We drove around, lagging poor Roberta with us on different errands. Costco was one of them. As we got back home, Roberta just fell into bed and now is sleeping. 
     She's been having a lot of trouble lately with her stomach. Every breakfast ends with her doubled over, saying: "It hurts so bad!" Every day became a torture for her. Today I took her to doctor, who would've been satisfied to tell her to eat rice and bananas to stop diarrhea, if I didn't push a little for her to get some study for the abdominal problems. 
     Now everyone is at home. I checked e-mails and found a letter from Hanah about her upcoming graduation in May. She studies in Arcata, 7 hours' drive by car away from us. "Do you want to come" - she asked, and signed her e-mail: 'Your only daughter"
     So many decisions! Do I keep a stiff upper lip or keep on rescueing Sonny at every step, despite my instinct telling me to let him make his mistakes and grow up? Do I give in to my fear of the daughter's resentment and guilt over not visiting her, despite knowing, I can't drive that far, and Taka always being against it? 
     Pray more, Dina, read more, meditate. The answers are not easy to find or accept, but, if they come from a place of wisdom, it's worth it to endure some growing pains!
Blurry Sonny and Chickie in a messy house.S 

No comments:

Post a Comment