Saturday, April 4, 2015


     A lot of drama in the Toyoda household! 
     Sonny attended Berkeley City College for three years in preparation for the transferral to  four year university. His dad hoped, it would be Berkeley U, since Sonny could then stay at home, while studying there. It should've been a two year preparation, but at the last moment last year my kid realized, he didn't have enough credits for the transferral. OK, we took it in stride, although Taka yelled a little and badgered Sonny a lot. What we couldn't understand was, why Sonny didn't get a two year degree out of all that studying! 
     So, at the end of three years, (right now) and with a lot of nudging and checking, he still managed to miss a deadline for the transferral application! I wondered, how it is possible to apply to college in April: wouldn't the students need more time between then and August, when the classes start, to arrange everything? No matter, how many times I asked Sonny about it or suggested for him to work with a college counsellor, he brushed me off
     I can't imagine, what kind of fool he thinks, he is now! It must be killing him, to fail again because of such a simple thing as checking, when the deadline for the application was!
Still, I am asking myself (and him) a question: might failing twice to transfer mean, he doesn't really want to go to college at this point of his life?
     My questions, as usual, go brushed aside and unanswered.
I spoke to Mr. P. yesterday and called Taka after that to suggest, we talk together and make a unified plan, how to deal with Sonny. He agreed, but when I came home, he was already talking with our son. I still tried to arrange a conversation with Taka, but instead he took Sonny out and preached to him over a burger meal, while I was preparing a Passover celebration at home. 
     Don't you think, the kids can pick up on their dad totally disregarding mother's opinion and even presence? 
     At least, I thought, he wasn't berating Sonny in his usual way. This morning I woke up to the sound of Taka's voice droning in Sonny's room. As is his fashion, he talks for a long time without letting the boy say anything or cutting him off, and then goes back to his office, only to run back into Sonny's room in just a few minutes to spend half an hour more, talking at him.
     Well, at my insistence, Taka dragged reticent Sonny to the living room. He then proceeded to tell me, he was not scolding our son, but was offering him to apply for some online classes. Judging from the way he kept interspersing his suggestions with incriminations at Sonny's character and my interference in the process of them choosing classes, it wasn't anything different from a million times before.
     As I fought for a chance to finish at least one sentence (Taka interrupted me at every opportunity), Sonny sat with an indifferent expression on his face, not contributing to a conversation. He said one or two things sometimes, but at my direct question, whether he understood, he made a mistake by being too focused on his gaming and online video watching, he was completely silent
     I don't want to be a drama queen, but that kind of denial of personal responsibility alarms me. What kind of a future does he have, when he can't admit a mistake? What kind of a man will he become?
     I said, I would not support Sonny going to college. He needs to work, to strengthen his character and, hopefully, grow a conscience. 
     At that point Taka, saying, he was fine with that, went on to his computer to send Sonny a dozen more links for college application.
I was able to, finally, express myself, but was I heard? 

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