I became quite good at it, in my, oh, not so humble opinion. My rank within the game is high. I rarely lose.
Today I opened the site, only to see that all my active games disappeared! What's even worse, the site says, I played over
32,000 (!) games and lost most of them! Outrage!
At times like this I feel like a blind kitten, poking in the bushes. The feeling of above mentioned outrage began to slowly morph into hopelessness. Nothing I did helped. I'll have to contact my friends-opponents and start over.
Is it so bad, though? I've been praying to find strength to change my life. Lately, the usual, comfortable connections, which I have with people, whom I call friends, but who just as I struggle to maintain their fragile hold on normalcy in life, - those "friends" - gradually start letting me go. Mary, who used to invite us to play mahjong at her house or just went out with me for a bite to eat and a gabbing session, keeps putting off meeting. I don't even expect being remembered by Victoria or Doris, although, Victoria came bye the other day to visit with Roberta and me. Unless I'm wrong (and I sincerely hope, I am!), this will be the last I see of her in a long while. Why do I sound so negative? Because that's my experience with her in the twenty years that we know each other.
|Victoria and her husband|
Is it so bad, though? Maybe I need to let go of the usual, comfortable routine, which wasn't helpful for my spiritual, emotional or physical health, and start anew?
I am terrified! Finding a new way instead of the Wordosaur to hone my brain is simple enough. To find new friends with whom I'd need to build a relationship seems like a Herculean task!
It was easy enough to do before. Mary, Victoria, Doris - we share the experience of working in the Unification Church. We suffered and struggled with the same things. Mary, Victoria and I all have Japanese husbands and again: we suffer and struggle with the same things! What do I have in common with some unknown ladies? What do they know of my life?
I guess, I'll keep on praying and learning to be a kind, authentic person. Mr. P. suggests going to a women's Bible study to the Creekside Church. I'll do that. I will find way to overcome the limitations of my health and the inertia, that keep me wishing, but don't let me get out to the new places, where I can meet people.
Who knows, perhaps it will be one of you! Will you give a chance to this plump old lady and make friends with me?