Friday, October 7, 2016


     I'm waiting for Sonny.
     Earlier this evening, when he and I had an easy conversation in the living room, Taka walked in, Sometimes it seems to me, he spends all his time making up the ultimatums with which he can present Sonny. The situation is not black and white, though: Taka told me, he can't sleep, thinking of Sonny and how he might once again disappoint us. I came to a realization, that we need to let Sonny succeed or fail on his own. I argue with Taka, therefore, when he demands that Sonny presents him with updated reports on different aspects of transferring to the Arizona State University. 
     This time Taka interrupted the relaxed atmosphere in the house by spouting something about Sonny having too many car accidents. For some reason the new ultimatum was for Sonny to pay money to offset our car repair losses. 
     My son is broken. He doesn't argue with his dad or responds to the his questions or even mine. He just sits there with a closed, vacant expression on his face. It kills me to see him like that. It kills me to see, Sonny is closed not only to his dad, but to me too.
     Since I couldn't get Sonny to respond to me, I tried to get his dad to lay off. As after a heated exchange with my husband I turned to Sonny, I saw the ironic look on his face. I couldn't dwell on it, because I still, foolishly, perhaps, hope that my words will reach Taka. Instead my spouse walked away. When Sonny went to his room, I heard that Taka resumed his assault on him. 
     I began to walk to the back of the house, where Taka's voice droned, but half way there Sonny came toward me. He went out of the front door, wearing only shorts and a T-shirt. I tried to get him to take car keys, but he walked away into the cold, dark evening.
     It didn't help to call Sonny's phone. It's been a few hours, but there is no word from him.
     What surprised me was Taka. This is not a new kind of a situation. Usually after an altercation with me he storms off into the bedroom/office, and the next time we have to start from square one. This time he showed more patience, as I asked him to change his approach to Sonny. I expressed my need to see him treat his family with more warmth, like a dad would. He, of course, interrupted my every sentence, and I, finally, as Mr. P. teaches me, walked away, saying: "We'll continue this conversation, when you can afford it more respect".
     The only thing I had left was to pray. About what? Sonny's safety, him finding it in his heart to open up to us and to do, what needs to be done for his future; for Heavenly Father to reach Taka and Sonny, because I can't.
     Taka came, looking for a flash light. I guess, he decided to search for Sonny. He returned to the living room and sat by me, which didn't happen for many many years
     He finally told me, he had to go to bed. Before that he said: "When Sonny comes back, tell him, I'm sorry"

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