Monday, October 17, 2016


     The house is quiet. Taka ans Sonny went to work. It was a long weekend: Taka took a day off on Friday to cut the grass and repair Sonny's door, which he took off the hinges in one of his rages.
     Yep, that's how mad he gets, trying to motivate Sonny to action. 
     My foot still hurts. It was better for a couple of days, but  started to ache again last night. The house is covered in the remains of the fast food: wrappers, boxes, cups from soda decorate every surface. I couldn't cook so much (or clean!) last week, and gratefully employed newly discovered food delivery services. 
     At night I hear Chicken Bone trying to get into a pizza box, left on the table. He goes after the leftover cheese, that's stuck to the top of the box, or some pineapple slices from eaten Hawaiian pizza. 
     I know, I'm prattling. There is a lot that's occupying my mind, but it's hard to decide, what is worth sharing with you in this blog.
     With Mr.P. we talked about Taka. He keeps reminding me: "You get, what you tolerate". It's true, I realized, I am prone to celebrating every small achievement in relationship to my husband, forgetting that I can't relax the boundaries, which help protect me, no matter how much I desire to be at peace. For example, Taka and I might have a strong conversation about something, in which I stand up for myself or Sonny and remind Taka of the things he himself desires in our relationship: warmth, intimacy. mutuality. Sometimes he would suddenly respond by altering his behavior for a while, which would send me over the moon! The struggle to maintain healthy connections is never over though, and I shouldn't just ignore the grating sounds of his voice, the next time he berates us for something, but I often choose to do so, because I can't stand to be in a constant battle with him. 

     Well, I myself got depressed writing this!



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