I am tired, my friends. I take something for the rash, visited on me, undoubtedly, by the furies or my own conscience, sick of something that I've done... or thought...
Never mind... The medicine takes care of the itch. Will the furies let me be from now on or not, I don't know. All I want to do is sleep.
You know, that thing that I touched on about whether God loves idiots or not. It often comes to my mind, although I never could put it so clearly. I guess. the despair made me more exact in crafting the words.
Does God love idiots?
I have a strange family. Odd things happened to all of us often, mostly, because we'd make a stupid mistake, or get muddled in our thinking, something like that... We could be excellent at other times in our lives: shrewd, full of deep realizations and instinctual or spiritual insights, but then we'd do something stupid and spoil everything.
Might God have made us this way ? What other forces could be responsible for screwing up a family so badly, yet still imbuing us with a certain unending hope?
I'm describing a character of a village idiot, aren't I? No matter, how many times we get knocked down into the mud or, more often than not, knock ourselves in there, we get lured by the next ray of sunshine to still go on living and providing a comic relief to some invisible Puppet Masters, who could one day get tired of our routine and cut the strings.
Wait a minute there! I started by asking if Heavenly God of endless Grace and forgiveness loves idiots. Now I switched to blaming some, perhaps, non-existent other powers, who enjoy watching us struggle on this track of time and life. What about God?
I once told Sonny that, money makes the world turn. Then I added: "And love is why it turns." Power is a much bigger motivation than money of why all beings do things. And we begin to crave power and control, when we don't feel loved. Love is - everything. Destructive or life-giving, it rules the Universe. And I choose to believe, God is the source of the sweetest, purest, eternal love.
Do we love our idiot children? When they make stupid mistakes or make a wrong choice on purpose, do we love them? Do we want for them to always be able to pick themselves by the boot straps and try again, even though we ache together with them from a previous setback?
Wow! I didn't know, where this discourse would end, but, it seems, I just found once more that ray of sunshine I was talking about! God loves us: the morons and the geniuses, the devils and the saints not only because He has no choice: we are His children, after all; He loves us because that love is what turns the world on its axis and gives Him the power to Continue To Be.