Saturday, May 16, 2015


It's midnight. Taka, Sonny and Roberta are asleep in their motel beds. Yesterday, we all drove to Arcata, Ca, to Hanah's graduation. 
Sonny drove all the way. With stops for food and bathroom breaks it took us seven hours to get here. We dropped off our things at a motel and went to meet Hanah.
     Roberta endured the road well, although she didn't come out of the car at all until it was time to go to lunch with Hanah. Our room in the motel is on the second floor. After sitting all day, it took Roberta all her strength to climb the two flights of stairs. 
     On the way over Taka sat with me on the back seat of the car. He had a headache, and spent time sleeping, helping a little with navigation and making every decision confusing. I was set on building rapport between us, but, time to time, it became tiring.
     And I? 
     Although I slept just 3 hours the night before, I hoped, some catnaps I had on the back seat would allow me to spend the day well. I was OK until after lunch. 
     For the past week or so I've been taking an antibiotic. Perhaps because of it, my whole upper body itches like crazy! I could deal with it at home, but on the road it's the whole other story!
     I was really looking forward to seeing Hanah. When we met, she didn't come close to me or make any attempt to show affection. Was it something I did? For some reason, I also felt awkward! What the heck is wrong with me?!
     We wanted to see, where Hanah lives. She shares an apartment in Arcata with a married couple. My daughter seemed happy to take us there, although she'll be moving out in a few days.      First we took her shopping at Target. 
     She and Sonny immediately got lost in a giant store. I walked around by myself, looking for some clothes for Roberta. Since she came to live with us two years ago, she gained thirty ponds (my influence), and now doesn't have any comfortable, loose clothing for staying at home. 
     There was nothing to choose from in that particular Target. The more I circled the aisles, the more aware I became of how terribly tired I was. And I've never been as itchy in my entire life!
     When the time came to visit Hanah's apartment, we got out of the car to do so (Taka stayed inside, saying, there was nothing to see there, and Hanah is moving out of there anyway). Sonny and Hanah went ahead of myself and Roberta, who was walking with a cane and leaning on my arm too. As we came closer to the door, my kids came back out of there and informed us that, Hanah's roommates, the married couple, were taking a shower together, and going into the dwelling might be awkward at that time
     OK! How would you react to such revelation? This was too bohemian even for me! 
     By that time I could hardly talk. Doing anything, besides going to rest, was out of the question. We said goodbye to Hanah until tomorrow and went to the motel. What a let down!
     Even though I was dead tired, I couldn't fall asleep for a long time. And now, after only a couple of hours of blessed oblivion, I am awake again! The rash has gotten worse. 
     As if by design, I forgot the doctor's advice to take some anti-histamine before sleep. Now it's too late. Why do I sabotage myself like that? What is there to gain from the fruitless suffering and difficulty this situation creates for me and my family? 
     I would understand it, if my discomfort elicited some sympathy or support from Taka. To be sure, he did make some sympathetic noises! But from our long life together I know, I can't expect much from him. Like, for example, if it was my sister's husband or many other men I know, I could be comfortable to wake him up right now and ask to go to a pharmacy for me. 
     And why can't I do it? I tell myself: he and Sonny will be driving back tomorrow for many hours, they need to sleep. But the real reason is, I can't face possible rejection or stand the lectures about having the wits to buy medicine during the day. Do I deserve the scolding? Yes. Should I be so afraid of a possible negative response? NO! 
      Perhaps, I should've prayed more prior to this trip. Perhaps, I am an incurable idiot. Does God love idiots? He must also get tired of this type of nonsense!


  1. I feel for you, if it will help.

  2. I envy you all, do not forget to congratulate Hannah L&G

  3. Dear Anonymous, who is not Lera. I am very grateful for your support and wish you happy, or, at least, itch free existence!

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