Thursday, November 27, 2014


     What happened at the Food Addicts' Anonymous meeting... Do you really want to know? Any thoughts, how it might've gone? I'll bet, you'll be wrong!
     I was very inspired and ready to start this new attempt to lose weight. I mean, my life is not a life, due to the extra pounds affecting my health, self image and the ability to be helpful to my family and community.The example of Anne Lamborn, a textile artist, who recently lost 140 lbs attending and following the FA program, made me forget depression I've felt after I had to stop the Kaiser Weight Management regime.
     Mary was more than happy to meet me at the first FA meeting. Roberta also decided to tag along, rather than lying in bed all evening. We had half an hour to get to the Veterans' Memorial Center in San Leandro. It was already dark. We couldn't see the numbers on the buildings, and, although I could imagine, the Veterans' Memorial Center would look different from other houses on the street, we couldn't find it for the longest time . I lost my nerve, because I am not a good driver at night, and began saying to myself: "I should've just stayed home!"
     Then we found the building. We were a little late by then, and there was no parking. I stopped at a red-lined curb to let Roberta out, thinking, I could park the car somewhere else and come back there. She began to motion for me to come to her though, so I closed the door and went to see, what she needed. It was nothing, and went to the car. The doors were locked! The keys gently swayed in the ignition and my purse with the phone in it lay on the seat.
     Just like that, my plans and hopes, at least for that evening, were shattered. I brought Roberta into the room, where the meeting was going to take place: there was no need for her to stay with me on the street, waiting for an AAA truck. I told Mary, who was already there, what happened. I expected her to do, what I would've done, if our roles were reversed: get off her butt and come to support me in my travail. She did nothing of the sort! Granted, she handed me her phone, so I could now call the Roadside Assistance, but then she turned back to listen to a speaker.
     It was, of course, a practical thing to do. Then again, what kind of a friend is that?!
     I managed to call and request help. They said, they'll be there within 45 minutes. I knew, the best thing in that situation was to have a positive outlook on things. It was difficult. I felt shell shocked. Perhaps, after all the prayer to Heavenly Father I had higher expectations. Perhaps, I was wrong to do so, and I began to desperately try to change that. I began to pray, telling God, I trust Him and His reasons. I needed to feel in tune with my Higher Power. 
     The minutes flew by, then crawled slowly. I walked up and down the street and, I'm not kidding, sang Amazing Grace ten times and prayed and prayed. The dog-walking passer bys veered away from the crazy singing lady, who, seemingly, talked to herself. 
     After about an hour passed, I called the Roadside Assistance again. They assured me, the car was fifteen minutes away. Try as I may, I couldn't feel peace in my heart. 
     A guy came and opened my car, making it beep hysterically, until I stuck a key in the door. I went to the room, where I left Roberta. The meeting just finished. 
     Thank God, at least now I could go home and lick my wounds... 
My phone had three messages from Sonny: the metro station near his college was closed due to the protests about the Fergusson business. Could I drive there to get him from Berkeley?
     There was no other option, I had to go there. Taka never went to Sonny's college, so it would've been unreasonable to ask him to do it. On the way back I asked Sonny to drive.
     Two days later, and I still don't feel right. I can't find my words or say the wrong ones instead. I am doing my best to run the family. Today we went to Mary's house to celebrate Thanksgiving. I smiled and laughed and talked, but I feel nuts. I feel lost.
     Its a good thing, I am confident that, Heavenly Father is not far and will step in to help me, because, as I said before: it is His will for me to be healthy, happy and able. I'll just wait here for Him to make His presence known!

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