That was the status of things this morning. Its Sunday, but, after looking online for some other than our church to visit today, Roberta yawned and said: "Let's do it next week!"
We stayed home. After checking my e-mails for a while, I became conscious of the fact that, Taka and Sonny didn't have anything to eat (I make Roberta breakfast and have a cup of coffee together with her every morning).
What are those yells from the back of the house? Upon arriving there, I observedd Taka and Sonny hopping around in a pool of sandy, dirty water, which was coming out of the laundry room!
Oh, no, not again!
Taka: "How hard is it to check, if the sink has something inside, before you start the machine?! Ugh!!! You clean it! I did it last time!"
Yes, he did. About two years ago, I didn't notice a sock in a laundry sink, and, when the water from the washing machine began rushing into it, the sock promptly jammed the drain! As a result, a wave of water swooped out of the sink right into the cats' litter box, which stands next to it! It carried the contents of the litter box out of the little room and into the area adjacent to the bathroom and the bedrooms. For months, we found little "reminders" of my blunder in the corners and under every piece of furniture that we attempted to move in that area. Now it happened once more. To make the matters worse, it was my laundry in the machine! Did I miss something again?
Alright, how did I deal with the disaster?
Taka recovered thirty minutes later from his surprise of being left to deal with the poop again. He called me on the cell phone and told me to phone the handyman, Richard, to come and help. It turned out that,Taka examined the drain and found nothing there. Which took some pressure off of me, of course.
I asked Taka if he wanted Richard to come right away. He said that, it could wait until Monday, but then mumbled something about not being able to do his laundry this week.
I never learn. With my husband, I should act as an indifferent secretary: get the dictation and, as we say in Russia, spit on the details. I always have to make sure that, I understood him correctly and that he'll be OK with my decisions. Me: "So, it's alright if Richard comes on Monday?"
Taka: "I already told you: its alright! Don't you listen at all to anything I say?!"
The timbre of Taka's voice was decidedly hostile. And, I thought, we were having a peaceful spousal discussion! Out of habit, I almost let it go. Then, since I am making new habits these days, I said:
- "You need to calm down and speak to me respectfully". We get what we tolerate. Accepting unacceptable behavior, even thinking that, we have to do it for the sake of keeping peace in the family, never really works in the long run.
Taka: "OK!" - I know that tone of voice. It sounds almost cheerful, because at this point in a dispute Taka usually lets himself relinquish control of his thoughts and emotions and starts acting anyway he wants.
"OK, bye!" He hung up on me.
I called Richard and made plans for him to come. When we got home (a couple of hours later), I busied myself elsewhere in the house, but pushed Sonny to finish cleaning the floors, since poor Richard will have to crawl all over them and under the sink, right where the litter box disaster occurred.
Taka, probably, heard our conversation, because he never mentioned Richard again.
We get what we tolerate. "We block our own well being every time we base our self worth on what we do or what others think of us". I can't tell you, how much more of that well being I feel ever since I began to assert my self worth!
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