Friday, February 20, 2015
AL ANON OR OFF?
I was s-o-o-o-o tired! Hating myself for doing it, I opened my mouth and told Roberta: "You know, I think, once in two weeks is enough to go to Al Anon. We stay home tonight!"
That was two days ago. Today Mr. P. raised the question of me attending the meetings again. He fervently believes, that the ideas and traditions of that organization are the key to a person's growth and recovery.
- "I remember, Dina, how you defined one of your life's goals as building healthy reciprocal friendships. You can meet wonderful people at Al Anon. In fact, you missed a great session on Wednesday!"
Seven, eight years ago, I would have latched on to the idea that, people, whom I would see one time a week, could become my dearest friends. Fortunately, unfortunately, - I was cured of such delusions by the, so called, "friends" I had, who prefered to forget, I even existed!
Mr. P. and I were two thirds into our session this time, when all this came up. Interrupting him is difficult, but I do it, when I consider something too important to keep to myself. So, I expressed my reservations about looking for buddies among the Al Anon bunch.
Mr. P. calls it "a classical 'Dina' move", when I suddenly touch on some essential topic so late in the session. The thing is,
1. He has his definite ideas in the beginning of our appointment, what we should talk about and leads our conversation in that direction, and,
2. He himself can't (or prefers not to) leave such things to fester until the next Friday!
And so, on we went, way after the session was over, discussing my difficulties in making real relationships with people whom I know.
I tried to tell him the sorry tale of me, trying to tell straight to some of such acquaintances, why I was upset with them, but it didn't seem to help. Mr. P. was unmoved. He insisted:
- "I simply state my truth and leave it at that."
Which, as I see it, means, I need to have a right attitude, when talking to people, not trying to guilt, shame or accuse them of anything or to change them.
I don't think, I can be that selfless. Can you?
On the other hand, he said, everything I express to them, should be told to make amends to myself, and not impress anyone. If I can focus on that, I can do it!
But will that help me make friends?