How to correct the un-correctable?
It's not a secret: what children learn from us influences them their whole lives. Many a time I began to say: "How did they become like this?" - only to mentally bite my tongue, because at that moment I realized, I was like this! It seems like my worst habits and behavior took root in my kids' psyches.
What tortures me is, how to help them correct that? They don't even think, they are in need of such intervention!
Mr. P. often reminds me, when one person in a family finds recovery, it washes over their loved ones, like ripples on the pond.
The problem is: my recovery is still far off. Although I see the difference in how I view the world and how the relationship with my husband, for example, changed for the better since I began to seek counselling, I also feel more doubt and depression. I think, it's because before I didn't pay attention to some things in myself, like my arrogance or criticism of others, or the way I procrastinate in taking necessary steps for my recovery. All that clarity disturbs me and saps at my will to thrive!
How to correct the un-correctable? I can't. What I can do is, acknowledge my own imperfection and that I don't have control over people or many events in my life. Admit that I don't know everything, and a lot of things I thought, I knew, every day turn out to be the opposite of truth.
Does it mean, I always have to second guess myself? No. I just need to let go of the posturing and the idea that, I will be my kids savior. I hope, they'll benefit from whatever bits of wisdom I find and accept for myself. I repent and apologize for the bad influence I had on them, but, although my heart and hand are always open to them, eventually, they'll have to work for their own happiness.