Monday, August 31, 2015


     Why aren't I writing in my blog? Do you want a short answer or a long one?

To simply put it, I lost my confidence. I felt happy before to find my voice and pour out the thoughts, brewing in that brain of mine. Now that Mr. P. and some other people say, I overstepped my bounds by saying, what I really was thinking, the urge to talk disappeared. 

     Am I "a reed swayed by the wind"? I never felt more connected to anything, than to writing this blog and the stories. Yet here I am, after two years of constantly thinking of and working on it, avoiding doing the thing that I most love to do!
Perhaps, this freedom to express myself was just a preamble to finding greater personal growth through acknowledging the imperfection of my understanding?
But what am I supposed to do now?

I miss my readers. Oh, I realize, you didn't easily give me your attention or comments. I still miss rushing to the laptop every so often and pushing the buttons to see, if (or how many of) you "tuned in" to see, what's going on in the Toyoda household or if I wrote anymore about my family history or some fantastical stories. 
I am still working on myself. I try to balance the way I need Taka to treat me and my growing perception of my responsibility before him and our family. I don't think, for example, that insisting on my own rights as a human being  should supercede the wellbeing of his and mine relationship. 
So, I will do my best to keep in touch, as life carries us along its high points and the low ones. Will you also stay with me and let me know your thoughts? 
It was nice to talk to you from my heart! 

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