It's the 2nd of January. The new year came and began.
How was the last year for you? Was it everything you hoped for? Do you feel, you gained something or lost?
I don't know, why, but I'm feeling low. It just seems, life should be fuller and more rewarding, than I perceive it to be right now!
We had a nice Christmas. In the next couple of days kids lazed about, tried my patience with their lackadaisical attitudes, only to suddenly do something great, like Hanah painting with reflective paints this mural on the back wall of our house!
On the 30th Sonny drove Hanah back to Arcata. She found a job at a theater there. I hesitate to say: "a Job", because they pay her hardly anything. I am not trying to dissuade her from working there either: as a young kid I was a director's assistant in a tiny Russian theater, where we got payed absolutely nothing, starved, fought for our ideals with our families and were constantly hounded by the KGB.
But that's a story for another time!
So, my daughter once again left home. The last piece of information, which she imparted on me was, she is going to play Akela - the head of the wolf clan in the production of the Jungle Book, and the director wants her to shave both sides of her head and dye the top light purple. Yes, my dear, that'll help me to sleep soundly!
The day before she left, we took Hanah to a Japanese restaurant. Taka let us out in front and went to park the car, so when he came in, we were already sitting down at a table, choosing from the menu.
We each selected a dinner item, when he suggested to also order a huge platter of sashimi. None of us objected, but Taka suddenly realized that I ordered something for myself, and began to pout. Apparently, he thought, I'll just eat sashimi. I pointed out that, he ordered a big bowl of ramen for himself, and it cost only a fraction less than my dish.The family began to feel uncomfortable from such nitpicking, and Hanah even offered to cancel her dinner.
As the food arrived, I found, I couldn't taste anything. I felt very bitter. I understand Taka about counting every penny, but he was totally unfair to me! I tried to reason with him, but it was in vain.
And that's how I still feel. There is no taste or color in the New Year's celebration or my daily routine.
I hope, you don't think, I am upset because I was denied some food! In Japan, when a woman marries, she must forget herself completely for the sake of her husband, the in-laws and the family. That's what my husband of twenty seven years wants. Imagine, millions of women denying their own hearts and personalities! They can't be absolutely successful, and the children must feel and bear their mothers' frustrations.
And so, our straggle continues.