Tuesday, October 13, 2015


     My eyes are not crying. My mind is steady, but I am confused, what to do or think. Hanah didn't respond to any of my e-mails for at least a month and a half. Before she left to finish her last semester of college, I asked her to choose a phone that she liked. I would've bought it for her. She didn't take that opportunity, and now I can't reach her by phone as well as by e-mail.
     I feel, like I'm a hostage to my love for and duty to her! I can't tell myself: "I don't care, I gave her all the opportunity to stay in touch or get a new phone. Now it's her own business, if she is in trouble or needs something!"

     Here is something to think about:

Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.

     Am I codependent? I'm not giving in to my desire to catch the next bus to Arcata, find Hanah and make sure, she is OK. I stopped writing threatening e-mails to her. I did talk to some office at her college and asked to find out, if she is alright, but made sure to tell them NOT to force her to get in touch with me, if her professors say,  they see her in classes, and she is fine. 
     I guess, since I am not supporting her irresponsible attitude towards the family by hovering over and smothering Hanah, I am not codependent to her. What I am is: lost, apprehensive and scared. I wonder, if every parent on the planet, whose child left home for any period of time, feels that way!

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