Thursday, March 26, 2015


     What am I doing? I am not writing, neither this blog nor my story. I spend time on Facebook or playing Scrabble online. Obviously, that's not the best way to spend my life, but I can't seem to get off the couch and into the wide world.
     Oh, I do all the things I have to do for work. I go to doctors and even meet friends or Mr. P. sometimes. At the same time, the weight keeps creeping back up, after everything I've endured, trying to shed the pounds.
     I think, the only way I can lose weight is if someone hits me on the head and lays me down in some quiet, warm place without food for a few months. Or, maybe, go to some rehab for the overweight sufferers and use the structured environment in order to keep my discipline and determination intact. 
     I am so confused! My mind is full of contradictions. On the one hand. I came to understand that, I am powerless against my addiction to food, and only with the interference from the Higher Power I can overcome it. On the other hand, does it mean, I am responsible for the weight loss? 
     Perhaps, it means, I am responsible to make the Higher Power able to work in my life. What does it entail? Prayer, achieving the right kind of an attitude, I guess. And here again I am at sea: what is the correct attitude? 
     How do some people just have it in their hearts, what it takes to be really successful in life?! They are in touch with something, which I am only guessing at. I need help!

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