AGE BEFORE BEAUTY

     Yesterday was Roberta's birthday. For some time now she asks me - a few times a day - "Dina, how old am I?".
     When I answer her without hesitation: "82", - she gets visibly shaken. I took to making a joke, like saying: "You are 27!" Her eyes light up with hope then, although, I can see, she suspects that I'm not telling her the truth: "Really? 27?!"
     She became 83 yesterday. Roberta still asks me, how old she is. I don't think, her true age matters too much, but I raised the number with which I answer her to 57. This way she is the same age as I am!
     

DO YOU SEE IT NOW?

I found this Russian poem and translated it, because it accurately conveys my feelings about losing friends.

"For some years I hear
footsteps down my street:
my friends are leaving.
My friends' slow departure
pleases that darkness
behind the windows.


Oh, loneliness, how hard
is your character!
Gleaming with your metal
compass, how coldly
you complete a circle around me,
unheeding of the useless pleas!

In your forest let me 

get up on tip-toes  

on the other end
of a prolonged gesture;
find the leaves and bring them
to my face and perceive
loneliness as bliss...

And then, from the tears and from
the darkness, from
the poor ignorance
of the past - my friends'
wonderful features
will reappear
and - again - fade away."

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY!

HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS... I MEAN, FIND NEW FRIENDS!

           Wordosaur! What is it? It's a Scrabble-like game on Facebook. I started playing it about a year ago, I think, and now have four consistent opponents, with whom we play a few games a day. 
     I became quite good at it, in my, oh, not so humble opinion. My rank within the game is high. I rarely lose.
     Today I opened the site, only to see that all my active games disappeared! What's even worse, the site says, I played over 
32,000 (!) games and lost most of them! Outrage!
     At times like this I feel like a blind kitten, poking in the bushes. The feeling of above mentioned outrage began to slowly morph into hopelessness. Nothing I did helped. I'll have to contact my friends-opponents and start over. 
     Is it so bad, though? I've been praying to find strength to change my life. Lately, the usual, comfortable connections, which I have with people, whom I call friends, but who just as I struggle to maintain their fragile hold on normalcy in life, - those "friends" - gradually start letting me go. Mary, who used to invite us to play mahjong at her house or just went out with me for a bite to eat and a gabbing session, keeps putting off meeting. I don't even expect being remembered by Victoria or Doris, although, Victoria came bye the other day to visit with Roberta and me. Unless I'm wrong (and I sincerely hope, I am!), this will be the last I see of her in a long while. Why do I sound so negative? Because that's my experience with her in the twenty years that we know each other.

Victoria and her husband

                                                 
     Is it so bad, though? Maybe I need to let go of the usual, comfortable routine, which wasn't helpful for my spiritual, emotional or physical health, and start anew? 
     I am terrified! Finding a new way instead of the Wordosaur to hone my brain is simple enough. To find new friends with whom I'd need to build a relationship seems like a Herculean task!
     It was easy enough to do before. Mary, Victoria, Doris - we share the experience of working in the Unification Church. We suffered and struggled with the same things. Mary, Victoria and I all have Japanese husbands and again: we suffer and struggle with the same things! What do I have in common with some unknown ladies? What do they know of my life? 
     I guess, I'll keep on praying and learning to be a kind, authentic person. Mr. P. suggests going to a women's Bible study to the Creekside Church. I'll do that. I will find way to overcome the limitations of my health and the inertia, that keep me wishing, but don't let me get out to the new places, where I can meet people. 
         Who knows, perhaps it will be one of you! Will you give a chance to this plump old lady and make friends with me? 

GOOD MEMORIES AND BAD WORRIES.

     I am thinking, what to tell you about the events in our family.          The main thing that happened before I stopped writing in January was my baptism. I am very happy that it happened: a relationship with God or a spiritual aspect are the roots of our lives. 

Pledging my life to Christ

     When we went to the church, where I was baptized, I met a lady, who told me, she took pictures during the ceremony. "I cried all through it" - she said. 
     So, here it is: one of the most important moments of my life:



     Hanah is in Arcata, still working on stage design in a couple of plays. Before she left, I made sure, she had a working phone, and had a talk with her, trying to express my need as a parent to know, if she was alright. It's been more than two months since then, but she totally ignores my attempts to communicate on the phone or online. To tell the truth, I am getting pretty angry about it!
     Sonny works at Macy's. He sets out signs and plasters on price tags for sales. Most of the time it works for him to take my car to work in the early mornings some days of the week. Taka somehow feels, that job is not, what Sonny needs and it takes too much toll on the car. Fortunately, Sonny learned to not take his

dad's, sometimes, arbitrary opinions too seriously. he still works at Macy's. He also does chores at home to "pay" for his room and board... after I threaten him for the nth time with immediate eviction or withdrawing his car privileges!

Roberta and Chickie

     Roberta ... Roberta is losing ground. Sometimes she forgets, what was said or what happened a minute ago. This is a typical conversation with her:
     - She: "What day of the week is this?"
     - I:      "Wednesday."
     - She: "Where is Taka?"
     - I:      "At work."
     - She: "On Sunday?!"
     I am despairing for her. She can't remember the names of her parents, children and grandchildren, whom she raised.
     Recently she had to have one of her teeth removed. It didn't go as badly, as I feared, but my patience now is at an end. Not only did I have to repeat the same information every few minutes of the day, but Roberta's usual good attitude gave way under the assault on her dental work, and she declared with absolute finality, she will not let the doctor take out another tooth!
     My friend, Mary, got sick, and the mahjong sessions on Tuesdays were postponed indefinitely. She also doesn't call or write me. I hope, it's not an attempt to break our relationship. At the same time, my friend in Russia, with whom we wrote each other almost every day, stopped writing me as well. I might need new friends!



     

     

     

NO MO TRUMP!

     Trump's been on my mind. 

     How can someone of such, obviously, vane character win the public's favor? Are we that simple? Desperate? Empty-headed?

Over the years Trump was many times in the news. We heard about his ridiculous marriages to the sexy blondes and his divorces. He came on talk shows and told us about his marital woes. He was also quite outspoken about the politics, but swore, he won't run for the Oval Office. 

     Now that clown, who constantly pushed himself into the spotlight, is a forerunner for the place of the most powerful man in the world! 

     To tell the truth, I don't like the alternative either! The thought of Hillary Clinton winning the presidency sends cold shiver down my spine. With her she'll bring back to the White House her husband and his gang of liberal thieves.

     But - back to Trump. What has he actually done to secure our confidence in him? He is a rich man, but only due to being born into the money and his natural bluster, when it comes to getting his way. He has bad taste (and judgment) in marriage and relationships. All he wants, it seems, is to be in the spotlight. 

There were leaders like that before. They shouted louder than anyone else, didn't consider their actions and words and... managed to sway the public opinion their way. The results were usually felt around the world: strife, grief, pain, death. 

     Silly, right, to believe that such unsavory characters become our leaders? 

     We love to please. We cringe away from uncomfortable encounters and allow ourselves to be bullied or swayed by stronger, but less than trustworthy personalities. That is not enough to excuse another poor choice that mankind is about to make in putting Trump into the Oval Office.

     Let's make an effort and avoid that mistake! Ted Cruz? He might not be the dream president, but at least he is not the nightmare, which Trump will for sure turn out to be! 

                 Go out, be informed, agitate, vote! 

LIFE IS BETTER, WHEN ONE IS WRITING.

     I don't quite know, what to tell you...
     In my quest to become a better person and feel better, I lost my            direction. 
     What made me happy before? What transformed my life for the better? It was writing. I never felt more energized or fulfilled, than when I let my thoughts fly between my mind, fingers and the keyboard. 
     How did it happen that I lost the desire to write? I thought about it and came to a conclusion: I let people's moods and attacks influence me too much. Those of real talent and the future rarely allow someone else come between them and their art.
     Not that I consider myself an artist. I CAN write, but lack the drive, which accompanies the true mastery.
     So, I will start over. Perhaps, I will find inspiration again. Will you, my readers, help? I need your input in a form of comments!