WHAT AM I TO DO?

     There was nothing left to do: I had to go to church. Sounds very pious (lol), right? I didn't go for at least a month. My friends, even those who share my outlook of outraged incredulity at the behavior and attitude of our leadership, all go on Sunday. Well, last Friday was a Day of the Heavenly Parent. It used to be on January 1st and had a name: God's Day. We celebrated it for years as such, when, suddenly, it was not good enough. I mean, I understand that, perhaps the reason for it is that God's providence and the world's level of spirituality changed, but we've already been forced to deal with a lot of things, to swallow a whole bunch of, what I now believe, bull.... .

Anyway, Since I am, personally, more out of that movement than in, I didn't give a flying hoot for that holiday. 
     Unfortunately, my hubby is still clinging to the flower chains of our past. Because of him and of many other people who asked if they'll see me at church on Sunday, I went today. Ooph, that was a long winded explanation of the fact that, I didn't want to go but went anyway!
     Only Roberta and I had enough courage to brave the elements. The rain, finally, came. It pattered a little bit in the morning, but

gathered strength in the afternoon. Roberta had a rain jacket on, but I only had an umbrella. I had to plant her in the car, take her walker and put in the back seat, deal with both of our purses, plus to balancing and loosing battle with an umbrella. Needless to say, I looked, probably, like a gigantic, wet rat when we made it into the church sanctuary! 
     This is why I still go there. A brother, who leads a church band, walked up to me with his arms wide open and gave me a huge, warmest hug! "I can't tell you, how glad I am to see you!" - he said.

I had a feeling of such pure, loving, gentle heart in what he did! Others were also exceptionally welcoming. That raised my mood considerably, and I proceeded to enthusiastically sing a few songs, - all of them from the flower-power days. There were many guests, or just people who also don't go to church often enough to be remembered.  
     Pastor's sermon was not very inspiring. Afterwords, we went up to the cafeteria to get some coffee and bagels and sat and chatted with our friends. 
     How do I walk away from it? For thirty two years I was immersed in that pot, gave a lot of myself to promote this church. I lived in this area for twenty four years, know almost everyone and took part in almost every church activity. How do I leave it?! Heavenly God, I need motivation and power to sever myself from the familiar yet unacceptable anymore environment! 
     I think, I am paying now for my blatant disregard for the wet and the cold. My nose is running, I am too tired and sleepy. I already took some vitamin C and drunk my patented ginger-lemon-honey potion, but ,time to time, chill runs through me, like a cold hand on my spine. Hmm. I have a bad feeling about it!