HUM-DRUM...NOT REALLY!

     Wednesday is supposed to be this calm, hum-drum day, when nothing happens. Well, it didn't, until a little later in a day...
     Hanah is still trying to get her package ready for sending to Japan. It's a picture of a Japanese countryside that she painted, with mountains, a big pine tree (the Toyoda family crest) and a rice paddie with people working in it. I think, by now, the rice has grown and everyone left the paddie to go home for dinner in that picture! Hanah and Sonny sleep too long. They wake up too late, do some things that they need to do, but they don't succeed in finishing anything. 
     So, the first part of the day was spent in my continuously trying to get kids out of their beds and onto their tasks. They didn't start moving until I had to go get Reina from her class. I let them know the day before that: I will not drive them or let Sonny use the car if they don't finish their chores. Sonny just managed to do it by 2, so I let him take the van to school. Hanah and I were stuck at home. 
     Like I said, it was supposed to be a hum-drum day... On Wednesdays we have a Family Night, and we usually get some pie to spend time pleasurably together. I waited for Sonny to come back to go buy the pie. At about five thirty, he called to say that he got lost somewhere in Oakland. After that I didn't call him, afraid to distract him in such stressful situation. At six, I got a text from Hanah's friend, Christina, who together with her daughter and a boyfriend recently lost housing. Christina was asking if they could stay with us for one night. I replied that, "there was no room at the Inn"... Just kidding! I said that, we can pay for their motel room, since our house is packed right now. It was possible to put them in Sonny's room and he could sleep in the living room where Hanah is staying, but:
     1. Sonny's room is a pig sty, and we couldn't clean it in a couple of hours it would take Christina's little family to get here;
     2. All our plans would go awry, because now we would have four guests, including a small child, who would need to be fed, and that would mean a lot more money.
     I forgot just one small detail: I had no car to go to the ATM to withdraw money! Sonny had it, and he was looping somewhere around the MacArthur Maze, a really confusing stretch of freeways in Oakland area.
     I managed to assert control over my "caped-crusader personality",                                                                                                       
and we waited patiently until Sonny arrived. He came in, we told him of the situation, texted  Christina that, we'll meet her in 15 minutes at the bank and prepared to leave. 
        Sonny left the car's lights on, and it wouldn't start! I thought of Hanah's friend and her family, sitting in the bank's parking lot, thinking that we were not going to show up, after all, and panicked for a few minutes. Then Taka came home from work! We left Sonny home to feed his dad and went off in Taka's car.
     By the short time it took me to get money out of the ATM (Roberta gave me her Debit Card and told me to take a twenty dollar bill out of her account for the family in need), Christina's daughter, Alice, fell in love with Hanah. She sat in Hanah"s arms, for some reason, trying to feed Hanah her hair! She also tried to eat Hanah's hair, hugged her with all the little girl's might and animatedly talked to the seagulls flying in the sky over us. 
     Christina assured me that, she will return the money as soon as she finds a job. Apparently, they were going to Florida the next day, where Christina's boyfriend's family lived. I felt a twinge of worry: here, at least, Christina had people who could help her. In Florida, she knew no one. If the couple broke up, or he turned out to be a different kind of person than she thinks he is, she and Alice would be in real trouble!
     I didn't say anything about my thoughts to Hanah's friend. Instead, I told her to just keep the money and let us know, what was happening with her, time to time.
     The little girl refused to leave Hanah's arms. 
- "Say goodbye", - Christina told her. 
- "Noooooooo!"
     I laughed and told Alice: 
- "Say goodbye, honey!"
- "Goodbye, mommy!" - that was directed to Christina... It couldn't be easy for a small kid like that to keep moving from place to place and from people to people.
    After we parted ways, we went to get a pie for our family night. Hanah and Reina went into Safeway and chose a beautiful fruit tart for our treat. 
     I keep thinking (and Hanah, for once, supports me in this thinking) that, it's a big mistake for Christina to go to Florida. I should remember to pray for them and think good thoughts. 
     
     

LONG DAY AND THE REALITY OF LIFE

     Yesterday was the first day for Reina to go to her English class at the Castro Valley Adult School. I can not understand, why her parents didn't just let her get student visa and come to study here for longer than three months. For now, she will have a class just for a month (summer session) and go back at the end of August, since her visitor's visa is good only for 90 days. She will come back in October, which, I think, is too late to enroll in a three months' fall session. What they are thinking - I can't imagine!
     Taka had a four day weekend's holiday, so in the morning we went to bring Reina to school together. He said that, he'll do it every day, and I just had to show him, how to get there. I have serious doubts that he will stick to driving Reina. It'll, probably, be up to me!
     I will also have to make breakfasts for my niece. Taka and I have an arrangement that, he just drinks some milk in the morning. The reasons for it are: 
1. He doesn't want a real breakfast; 
2. He can be quite impossible in the mornings, and for more than         fifteen years, I avoided dealing with him at that time of the day. After Hanah went to college, I was, usually, able to sleep in until it was the time to feed Roberta. Sonny doesn't eat breakfast and gets up five minutes before it's time to go to college, when he doesn't just stay in bed all day long!
     Now I have to (well, I don't really have to, but consider it being a good hostess and aunt) to make some soup and rice (if they are not already made) in the evening and get up early to warm everything up and put it on the table for Reina. It's a drag: I like to be able to sleep at least until eight!
     So, we took Reina to class, and I made Roberta breakfast. Hanah painted a picture for her grandparents and made a card for them in thanks for a gift of money for Sonny and her. She wanted me to send it, but I decided to mat it.  I found a professional framer who did the matting, and the picture just came to life! 
     Instead of being grateful, Hanah bellyaches that the picture now is too big to send  to Japan cheaply. Yesterday, we went to the UPS store. The lady behind the counter told us: "It'll be $48.00 for the packaging and four twenty eight for sending it to Japan!" "$4.28",  - I thought - "It's not too bad!" 
     "All together it''ll be $468.00", - the lady continued. I carefully took the picture off her scales, allowing my heart rate to subside and my eyes to return to their normal size. "Thank you, very much," - I croaked, while nudging kids, who were gaping and gasping like fish, to the door. 
     Our optimism, somewhat, diminished, we drove to the post office. At that time, Roberta announced that she wanted to take us to lunch. We went to a little cafe. I and Reina were not hungry, but Hanah and Roberta had some crepes. 
     The line at the post office was huge! When we finally made it to the window, we found out that they will charge about $60.00 for that package. Hanah unpursed (is that a word?) her lips and became more cheerful! Unfortunately, she didn't think of asking Sonny (our designated expert in Japanese) to translate and write the grandparents' address (he took a car and left for his class). Hanah could, of course, call Reina, who stayed in our car, but she was too lazy - or loath - to ask her cousin to do it. "We'll just come back here tomorrow" - she said. "You know," - I answered - "YOU will come back tomorrow! This is your business, to send things to your grandparents. I am just helping you!"
     Hanah pouted at that a bit, but by the time we arrived at our next destination, she was fine. 
     It was a Chinese store. 
     I needed a few things. Girls, Hanah and Reina, helped me gather them together. As we came to the car, though, Roberta, who was waiting for us there, came out and with urgency inquired if the store had a bathroom. I took her there, but someone was occupying the facility. 
     Let's just say that, I don't envy the next person who'll go in there after Roberta! We met him, in fact, - I passed to him the key to the restroom, - as Roberta whispered to me: "Let's get the heck out of here - as soon as possible!"
     She is 81 years old. These things happen to her very seldom, but the age asserts itself, and, sometimes, she has an accident.
     At home, I told Taka that he had to drive Reina to her evening class. I had to help Roberta to take a shower and get herself together again. I also tried my best to calm her frustration and embarrassment. Hanah and Reina both lived close to their grandparents to know that such small accidents happen to the elderly (to everyone), and I am, unfortunately, well aware of that too; so all of us understand her situation. 
     The day was very full. I drove and shopped and cooked and had a chance to educate and nurture my family. All in all, it was a good day! 
     
   

CAT - DRUG ADDICT AND THE PROPRIETARY ATTITUDES

Hanah is back on her couch, and Chickie is keeping her company again, after a brief show of indignation for leaving him behind when she went to Vegas. 

Last night we noticed that he was nosing inside Hanah's small suitcase. His whole demeanor showed that he was very much into something in there. Hanah went to investigate and found, what else: her sock!

Chickie couldn't get enough of it! We bought  toys for him before, but he never played with them. Now, Hanah's fragrant sock made him ecstatic! 

                                                                                                                                                                                              

                                                      

The crazy cat rolled around, hugging it one moment and bunny-kicking it the next. He rubbed himself on it and made a complete fool of himself!

Chickie is somewhat of a drug-addict. No, really, he goes bananas for the smell of bleach, for example, or tries to drink Hanah's paint. Those things make him high, and he acts like an idiot. 

Last night, just as I figured out how to take a video of his escapade with my small camera, Chickie suddenly sobered up. He sat there, not reacting to Sonny waving a sock in front of him (to help me take a video). The look on his face said: "I did it again! I embarrassed myself again in front of the humans!" Soon after, he fell asleep, like he was completely drained by his little display.

Today Sylvie laid claim to the suitcase.

                                               

Chickie tried to intimidate her into leaving it, 

but Sylvie's impressive growling, accompanied with hissing, snorting and spitting, stopped him in his tracks. 

She made a show of proprietorship over the suitcase,

                                             

then looked at me, as if asking: "Any more questions?!" and went away, promptly putting the suitcase out of her mind.

TIME IN THE BOTTLE

     People froze where they stand. Dishes and knives hang in the air, where Magnito raised them to strike at his enemies. A young man flies around the big kitchen faster than anything, rearranging bullets and fists to miss his allies. On the way, he casually flicks his finger through some soup, that also hangs frozen on it's way from a falling pot to the floor to check for flavor. Time in the Bottle, perhaps one of the most mellow and romantic songs ever written, accompanies this tense, violent scene, making us roar with laughter and sing the song out loud!
     When Mary called to invite me to see X-Men, Days of Future Past, I was not very inspired by her choice of the movie. Now Mary and I  were laughing and gasping at what was going on on the screen and having a marvelous time.
     The day started with us all going to the church. A man and his wife whom we know there asked us to come with them to lunch. The husband is American and the wife - Japanese. 
     We went to a local Japanese restaurant. The meal was good and plentiful; we had a stimulating conversation. 

Here we are, - a waitress took our picture after the meal.

          Mary called me to go the movies together, as Taka was driving us home. Once there, I quickly assessed the situation: Roberta needed lunch, kids already ate and Taka just came from a restaurant with me. I invited Hanah, Sonny and Reina to come to the movies with me, but the first two already have seen it. Reina decided that she didn't want to go with two old fogies - Mary and myself. 
     That's how I ended up in a movie theater.
     Although, officially, Mary and I were going to go swimming after watching the film, we decided that it was better to just go have lunch. As I drove up to the restaurant, Mary already arrived, and I couldn't believe my own ears: she was standing in the parking lot with an expression of earnest longing on her face and singing - what else - Time in the Bottle! That's when I took that picture of her.

GOOD TIMES, GOOD TIMES...

     The plan for the day was for me to take kids on a bus tour of San Francisco, and for Taka to pick up Hanah from the airport. Unfortunately, my stomach declared a strike, and the tour of San Fran was postponed once again. I said "unfortunately" only for the appearances sake: I really didn't want to go on the tour and miss Hanah's return.

     Taka accepted change in the schedule with uncharacteristic for him philosophical attitude. He was, probably, so busy with his work that driving to the airport to get Hanah seemed unthinkable. He brings work home from the office, and there are many other, mysterious tasks that occupy him all weekend. Taka might have accepted my not going to the City, but he was not gracious enough to accept my reasons for it. So, picking up Hanah still fell on me!

     When I asked Sonny, Roberta and Reina, all of them wanted to go with me to the airport. Why did I have to ask? I wanted to just drive up to the terminal and send Sonny to meet Hanah there. Roberta told me that, she feels terribly cooped up sitting in the house, and I had to include Reina, - she must be very bored too, just studying English - day in and day out!

     All of us piled up in the car and went. I wanted to check if the flight was going to be on time, but got sidetracked. You know, what's coming, don't you?!

     When I was in the middle of the San Mateo Bridge (and we were running a little late), I heard my phone's message tone. With some wiggling in and out of my lane in traffic and colorful epithets running through my mind, I managed to extricate the phone from the purse and pass it to Sonny. "Hanah just wrote that she is still in Las Vegas airport! The weather is bad and the flight is delayed!"

     "OK, who is hungry?" - was all that I said. I might get annoyed at not being able to get my phone out easily, but what's the use of getting worked up about something that I can not control, like the airline schedules and the weather? 

     We got off the freeway in Belmont, I think, and headed for a shopping plaza which we saw from the road. A couple of turns around the giant plaza, and we chose Nubi Frozen Yogurt cafe to be
 our pit stop.                                                                

     That's the place where one can help oneself, choosing the kind of yogurt and toppings they want  and pay according to the weight of their cup.

You might think that Sonny here is advertising Nubi,
 but he is just trying to prevent me from taking his
picture.  


We had a good time! I discovered that, I forgot my camera, so Reina let me use hers. She, usually, doesn't like me to photograph her, and this time too, she sent me all the pictures except the one with her in it!
Roberta seemed to enjoy being in our company, although I worried that she'll get too tired or too cold. Here she is, shining at us out of her curls!

In Russia we call ladies or gentlemen of her age and disposition 

"God's little dandelions".

We still had some time to kill before Hanah's plane would arrive, so, after some more circling around the plaza, we went to a Hallmark store, where I got sucked into buying some cute cards. Nope, I don't regret it one bit!

     At the airport everything went smoothly: Roberta and I waited in a car next to the terminal, while Sonny and Reina met Hanah off the plane. 

     She was very rumpled and sweaty and tired. The temperature in Las Vegas rose to 111 degrees Fahrenheit. That's, practically, 44 degrees Celsius! To think, I almost die when it gets over 75 degrees over here, in the Bay Area! 

We came home. Taka showed his face, picked a few cherries from the table, asked us some minor questions and was about to disappear back in his office. "Aren't you going to say hello to your daughter?!" - I inquired, not very calmly. He turned back, asked Hanah about the weather in Las Vegas and walked away. My theory that he was raised by the bears seems to be proved yet again!

   

THE FIREWORKS AND A CUTE NIECE

     It's been a few days without me writing anything. I am busy cooking, chauffeuring people around and trying not to do dishes. I have a feeling that, there is a portal into another dimension over my sink, and they, whoever they are in other dimensions, are sending their dishes for me to do. They take clean dishes back then, because, when I need it, I can't find one clean utensil or a dish!
     Yesterday was the 4th of July, the American Independence Day, for those of my readers outside the U.S. I did a lot of driving and cooking, but, otherwise, it was a quiet day here. That is, until the fireworks' fanatics began to blow things up! It sounded like a battle was raging all throughout our small area! The ambulances' and the firetrucks' sirens added to the ambience, and we and the cats sat, wild-eyed, on the couches, looking at how a huge firetruck was trying to squeeze itself into a tiny alley just behind our fence. It's a dead-end street, so the firetruck - and the ambulance and the police car that followed it - had to back out of there after finishing their business, scraping our fence in the process! 

Moon pie. Two graham cracker layers
with marshmallow in the middle
and chocolate coating outside were not enough.
Crazy people also deep-fried it in some batter
and dusted it with powder sugar!

     We sent Sonny and my niece, Reina, to the Alameda County Fair, to watch fireworks close by. They also went on some rides and ate exotic fair foods, like deep-fried moon pie! 

     

     

Sorry, Reina doesn't like me to take her pictures.

     In the morning I asked Reina over breakfast, how she liked the fair. She crinkled her eyes prettily, blew on rice - "Atsui (hot)!" - covered her smile with a cute, little hand and said: "I liked it! It was so big! I just thought that, it was very American!" I should think so: it was the 4th of July celebration!
     I wrote two versions of a post for Mr. P.'s blog, and now am waiting in a kind of a limbo, what he will say. To tell the truth, I don't really feel satisfied with what I wrote. I would like to re-write it, but, - too late! - he already called to say that he will edit and post it in his blog. You are welcome to read it there, although, I already posted it, and you might've read it here, in my blog. Anyway: his blog's name is An Attitude of Gratitude. It's very popular and worth reading even without my part in it. I wouldn't want to lose you to my shrink, though!
     

OREO COOKIES, ANYONE?

     I have a feeling that the post I wrote for Mr. P.'s blog, The Attitude of Gratitude", is not up to par. Something is off. Maybe, I should try once more!


OREO COOKIES, ANYONE?

     Did you ever have a feeling that the answers to your most pressing questions or problems are just out of sight? I had that feeling all my life. I searched to fill the void in my heart and in my life; I joined movements, prayed and fasted and did my best to create a life full of purpose and love, but the void was still there. I strived to be a humble, serving person, yet that didn't help me to have a fulfilling relationship with my husband and children. To tell the truth, I still couldn't control even my own bursts of temper and mood swings!
     Recently, I began to, finally, take care of myself. I am not just talking of the physical body. I began counselling and started to attend Al Anon meetings. I realized that I was being a fake! While on the outside I spoke soft words or swallowed my indignation at something that my loved ones did or say, on the inside I was seething. Yet, I didn't let them see my real emotions. 
     How can I have authentic connections with people if I only show them a false front? It took a while, but with the help of my counselor and Al Anon, I understood that, not only was I entitled to speaking my mind, but that without it I can not hope to build real trust and intimacy!
     A couple of weeks ago I shared with my counselor that, although my son, Sonny, sometimes helps me,  he ignores my requests for help most of the time. My counsellor, the worthy innkeeper of this blog whom I call Mr. P., addressed the problem with enthusiasm. He suggested an oreo cookie approach.
     No, he did not tell me to bribe Sonny with cookies in order to get his help! Sonny is 19, and he lives in our house for free, so, it would be only reasonable to expect him to do some chores!
     The oreo cookie. It consists of three parts: two thin cookie layers and vanilla cream on the inside. The method of communication that Mr. P. proposed also consists of three parts.
     Since I used that method to talk to Sonny, I will show you how it goes on his example.
     First, you say something very nice. I told Sonny: "You know, I am so happy that you live with us! I would miss you terribly if you moved out!"
     That was the top layer of the "cookie sandwich". 
     Then you get to the essence of the conversation - the "cream" inside the cookie.
     One thing is very important: you don't start that part with a "but". The "but" would negate all the nice words that you just said. Instead, you say "a-n-d"!
     And so, I told Sonny: "A-n-d, I feel that I lack balance in our relationship. I always try to hear you out and help you, and, I think, you should also pay attention to my requests and help out in the house. After all, you are a grown man, who should have some responsibilities!"
     There! I had this kind of conversation with both of my children, and the expressions on their faces told me that, they, finally, heard me and were shaken by my telling them the truth of what I was really thinking - without accusing or trying to change them.
     The third part of "the cookie" is strengthening up the new intimacy that you achieved with someone by speaking the truth. 
     I said: "Perhaps, after you finish your chores, we can go for some ice-cream!" 
    Who can resist that kind of promise?