THE FIREWORKS AND A CUTE NIECE

     It's been a few days without me writing anything. I am busy cooking, chauffeuring people around and trying not to do dishes. I have a feeling that, there is a portal into another dimension over my sink, and they, whoever they are in other dimensions, are sending their dishes for me to do. They take clean dishes back then, because, when I need it, I can't find one clean utensil or a dish!
     Yesterday was the 4th of July, the American Independence Day, for those of my readers outside the U.S. I did a lot of driving and cooking, but, otherwise, it was a quiet day here. That is, until the fireworks' fanatics began to blow things up! It sounded like a battle was raging all throughout our small area! The ambulances' and the firetrucks' sirens added to the ambience, and we and the cats sat, wild-eyed, on the couches, looking at how a huge firetruck was trying to squeeze itself into a tiny alley just behind our fence. It's a dead-end street, so the firetruck - and the ambulance and the police car that followed it - had to back out of there after finishing their business, scraping our fence in the process! 

Moon pie. Two graham cracker layers
with marshmallow in the middle
and chocolate coating outside were not enough.
Crazy people also deep-fried it in some batter
and dusted it with powder sugar!

     We sent Sonny and my niece, Reina, to the Alameda County Fair, to watch fireworks close by. They also went on some rides and ate exotic fair foods, like deep-fried moon pie! 

     

     

Sorry, Reina doesn't like me to take her pictures.

     In the morning I asked Reina over breakfast, how she liked the fair. She crinkled her eyes prettily, blew on rice - "Atsui (hot)!" - covered her smile with a cute, little hand and said: "I liked it! It was so big! I just thought that, it was very American!" I should think so: it was the 4th of July celebration!
     I wrote two versions of a post for Mr. P.'s blog, and now am waiting in a kind of a limbo, what he will say. To tell the truth, I don't really feel satisfied with what I wrote. I would like to re-write it, but, - too late! - he already called to say that he will edit and post it in his blog. You are welcome to read it there, although, I already posted it, and you might've read it here, in my blog. Anyway: his blog's name is An Attitude of Gratitude. It's very popular and worth reading even without my part in it. I wouldn't want to lose you to my shrink, though!
     

OREO COOKIES, ANYONE?

     I have a feeling that the post I wrote for Mr. P.'s blog, The Attitude of Gratitude", is not up to par. Something is off. Maybe, I should try once more!


OREO COOKIES, ANYONE?

     Did you ever have a feeling that the answers to your most pressing questions or problems are just out of sight? I had that feeling all my life. I searched to fill the void in my heart and in my life; I joined movements, prayed and fasted and did my best to create a life full of purpose and love, but the void was still there. I strived to be a humble, serving person, yet that didn't help me to have a fulfilling relationship with my husband and children. To tell the truth, I still couldn't control even my own bursts of temper and mood swings!
     Recently, I began to, finally, take care of myself. I am not just talking of the physical body. I began counselling and started to attend Al Anon meetings. I realized that I was being a fake! While on the outside I spoke soft words or swallowed my indignation at something that my loved ones did or say, on the inside I was seething. Yet, I didn't let them see my real emotions. 
     How can I have authentic connections with people if I only show them a false front? It took a while, but with the help of my counselor and Al Anon, I understood that, not only was I entitled to speaking my mind, but that without it I can not hope to build real trust and intimacy!
     A couple of weeks ago I shared with my counselor that, although my son, Sonny, sometimes helps me,  he ignores my requests for help most of the time. My counsellor, the worthy innkeeper of this blog whom I call Mr. P., addressed the problem with enthusiasm. He suggested an oreo cookie approach.
     No, he did not tell me to bribe Sonny with cookies in order to get his help! Sonny is 19, and he lives in our house for free, so, it would be only reasonable to expect him to do some chores!
     The oreo cookie. It consists of three parts: two thin cookie layers and vanilla cream on the inside. The method of communication that Mr. P. proposed also consists of three parts.
     Since I used that method to talk to Sonny, I will show you how it goes on his example.
     First, you say something very nice. I told Sonny: "You know, I am so happy that you live with us! I would miss you terribly if you moved out!"
     That was the top layer of the "cookie sandwich". 
     Then you get to the essence of the conversation - the "cream" inside the cookie.
     One thing is very important: you don't start that part with a "but". The "but" would negate all the nice words that you just said. Instead, you say "a-n-d"!
     And so, I told Sonny: "A-n-d, I feel that I lack balance in our relationship. I always try to hear you out and help you, and, I think, you should also pay attention to my requests and help out in the house. After all, you are a grown man, who should have some responsibilities!"
     There! I had this kind of conversation with both of my children, and the expressions on their faces told me that, they, finally, heard me and were shaken by my telling them the truth of what I was really thinking - without accusing or trying to change them.
     The third part of "the cookie" is strengthening up the new intimacy that you achieved with someone by speaking the truth. 
     I said: "Perhaps, after you finish your chores, we can go for some ice-cream!" 
    Who can resist that kind of promise? 
     
         
     

GUEST-WRITING

     Mr. P., offered me to be a guest writer on his blog called "The Attitude of Gratitude". What that means is, - I will write a post for it! Now, the only thing that I need to worry about is finding, what to say and how to say it! Hmm. Here is the first draft (it, actually, turned into a second draft, since I edited it).

     Do you know the difference between a pessimistic person and an optimistic one? A pessimist says: "Oh, it couldn't get any worse!" And an optimist says: "It could, of course it could!" 
     I recently began to think that, hope was one of the biggest enemies of mankind! How can I say that? Isn't the point of this blog to have a positive, optimistic attitude? 
    After neglecting my well being for the longest time, I finally began to take care of myself. I began to seek counselling, at my friends' urging attend Al Anon meetings and write a blog. I also enrolled in a Weight Management Program. It went great! My outlook on life improved, I started to lose weight at a spectacular rate. It was hard to stick to just protein shakes and bars, which comprised the first phase of the diet, but even when I slipped and cheated, I knew that, as they say in Al Anon, I should focus on my progress and not perfection! Unfortunately, because the whole diet was built on protein, I began to have gout attacks.
     If you ever had gout or know anyone who suffers from it, you'd know, how much pain I was in! The doctors at Kaiser Permanente weren't any help. As soon as one attack would finish, and I would start moving around the house again and hope for a better outcome, another attack would begin. It ended after three months of continuous pain and three courses of Prednisone, a cortisone medicine which years ago made me gain weight! I stopped the diet, the pain went away, as did a good chunk of my optimism.
     Hope was what made it all worse. I kept thinking: "Maybe, the next time I can follow the regimen better! Maybe, the next time gout won't return!" Time after time, I had to swallow my pessimism and doubt, and - time after time - my hopes were crushed. What's the use then of trying anything, if all that I've done, seemingly, only made my situation worse?!
     I almost gave up then. I began to purse my lips, as my Jewish mother used to do, and say to everything: "Ah, it will not turn out well! Better just keep your head down and try to survive your life!" I come from generations upon Jewish generations of pessimists, you see!
     The only thing that kept me afloat was this thought: "What about God? Don't I have any trust in His/Her Higher Power?"
     There is no magic cure. Most of the time, we hope for something that can never happen. There are so many things which we can not control! God can, and having a relationship with the Higher Power helps us to better understand It and the purpose for which we are created.
     And here is what I, finally, decided, - and it's up to you to believe it or not. We, the humans, have setbacks ninety percent of the time. It's, probably, foolish to still attempt anything, if it wasn't for hope, for the trust in the Higher Power than just ourselves. Just  think of it as our covenant with God, a condition on which the Higher Power will still bother with us. After all, everyone needs a little motivation!
     
     
     
     

COMFORT FOR CATS AND HUMANS

     I got used to seeing Hanah sleeping on the couch when I come into the living room. Now she is not there
anymore. Last night we took her to the airport, and she, her teeth chattering from fright, boarded a plane to Las Vegas. She went there to participate in a seminar on stage design. 



     

Roberta got fed up with sitting at home all the time, and she insisted on accompanying us to the airport. She did her best to keep up, and sometimes even walked faster with her walker than I did! 
     Chickie met us at the door, when we got home. He jumped on the top of the couch and began to meow loudly, as if asking: "Where is she? Where is my human (Hanah)? You took her with you, and now she

disappeared again!" I just tried to comfort him as much as I could. The poor cat didn't leave Hanah's side when she was here, and now he looks very depressed, snuggling alone on the couch.
     







     We had a very uneventful week before that. Hanah ruled the household, making Sonny do her bidding, as usual. Here he is wearing a dress, helping her alter it. 

 He even made chocolate chip cookies for her with a secret ingredient: bacon! They are very delicious, but seriously undermine Hanah's and mine weight loss!    Hanah had to make a card for her Japanese grandparents, in thanks for the money-gift that the kids received. She painted a picture with a pine tree, the Toyoda crest, on the foreground. She then proceeded to paint a few cards,                                                             
                                                                                               
                                                                                                 

                                                                                                                                         

 not sure, what was the best for Grandma and Grandpa, who didn't bother much with keeping in touch with their grandchildren in America. I said: "Just write, what's in your heart, like, "We love you!" But what Sonny replied was true: they don't know their Japanese grandparents, so, how could they love them?
   
   

SLEEP LONG AND PROSPER (IF YOU CAN)!

And sleep they did!

Do you see this site: Big Bus Tours of San Francisco?

Sonny purchased tickets online to go see San Fran on a double deck bus.

Next morning - nothing! No tickets or anything in my e-mail; the company, when I called them, didn't even have a record of a transaction!

     Some of us thought that it was for the best, since instead of waking up at, at least, nine o'clock in the morning, my very worthy descendants woke up at twelve, and it took all of my newly found detachment not to make a tragedy out of it.

     We went to a movie! It was a sequel to an animated film, How to Train Your Dragon, and we enjoyed it very much. A couple of things were very touching, and I thought that, a point that the film made about the nature of a true leader was very helpful for young people to see.

     After the movie we went to a Vietnamese Restaurant. I would've taken the kids to eat Japanese food, but our guest from Japan did not want to do it! I was not hungry at all after eating a double scoop of ice-cream at the movies, so it didn't really matter to me, where we went.

   

                   

Hanah had Pad Thai noodles and Thai Ice tea.

I ordered a vegetarian Vermicelli dish, which looked nice but was not very tasty.

   

Kids humored me and let me take their picture!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

This is a signature Vietnamese dish: Pho Soup.

     It was a nice day. I am still working on not trying to control everything and catastrophizing any seeming misstep. Life is good: there is no need to spoil it by unnecessary whining!                                                                   

MOON BEAMS (WATCH OUT!)

     I wonder, what do people, the members of the Unification Church who decided to ignore all the disturbing news about the Moon family and discrepancies between the church teachings and lives of it's leadership, - what those people are hoping for?
     I understand: it's very hard to abandon one's ideals that one cherished and defended for a third of the century. It's hard to sever ties with others, whom you might consider friends or, at least, like-minded community. In thirty or so years, one's brain starts auto-correcting one's thinking; and even if you try to change something in your outlook on the world and life, your brain wants to keep to the safe, familiar pathways. 
     It was very hard for me to do all those things. Just trying to stop saying: "True Parents, True Father, True Mother, True Children" about the Moon family - was a real chore. Well, soon after I understood that there is nothing true about Moon children, it became easier to figure out and follow through to other things, like - shouldn't having a Messiah for a father and mother help to avoid making mistakes? I grew up with a usual set of parents, fallen and error-prone as they were. After accepting the church principles, I managed to keep on the straight and narrow, at least avoiding the big sins like adultery, being addicted to drugs, stealing someone else's spouse, stealing church assets for my own gain... Most of the Unification Church members are the same: we can't say that we are saints, but we are not the monsters the Moon kids proved to be! 
     Still, people roll into the church for Sunday Services; they are now getting whipped into frenzy by the leadership, "following in True Father's (Rev. Moon's) footsteps, going on a pilgrimage of the Holy Grounds". Rev. Moon established central  places throughout America and the world to pray. They are, usually, at some beautiful spot on some hill or a mountain. Members have rallies and go visiting those places now, even traveling to other states to do so! 
     Never mind that Mrs. Moon, who is now a head of the church, many times declared that, "we'll be doing things differently now than before", meaning that, while her husband, the Messiah, was alive, the church practices were not up to par. Now that the membership is down and the revenue is down, they need to "inspire" us to higher devotion and better tithing!

Roberta and Bishop A. Stallings, the preacher for the day.

     Last Sunday I had to bring Roberta and Reina to church, to one of such rallies. Roberta agrees with me about the church, but still wants to attend these gatherings. I guess, most of the people there were like her. It was one of the Breakfast Prayer Meetings, and who can resist a free breakfast? Non-UC Christian pastors and laity were there in force, one of them, Bishop George A. Stallings, yelling from the pulpit. Does it make any sense to yell about things like faith, hope, love, revival? Doesn't it just show that the speaker is trying to convince himself that he is right in following Moon's teachings and leading others to do so? 

OREO COOKIES

     As they say in Russia: "Дела идут, контора пишет..." OK, I'll translate: "It's business as usual!"
     Day after day, I wake up and start to worry of what to make Reina for breakfast (Roberta refuses to eat anything except my oatmeal, Sonny eats breakfast at lunch and Hanah is on a diet of my shakes and bars; so I just have to feed Reina, who comes from a different country and whose eating preferences are a mystery to me). 
     We rarely have any appointments for Roberta. I think, she is getting antsy, just sitting in or on her bed, watching unending episodes of Family Feud or playing unending games of Solitaire on her KIndle. I might need to bring her to see some doctors, to add excitement to her life!

     That leaves me washing dishes and, time to time, yelling "S-o-o-o-n-n-y-y-y-y!" He helps a lot, but it takes much in the way  of my nerves and vocal exercises to get him moving. I didn't realize it, but I yell for him so loudly, that people around me are left reeling from a sonic boom! 
     It's pointless to call Hanah's name. She does not move, even under me poking and shaking her. I tried to tell her: "Hanah, I just need your opinion on something!" Then, after she judged that an

Can you see her under the pillows?
It's a reverse of Princess and a Pea

appropriate amount of time between my request and her response passed, I heard her careful "Wha-a-t?", - coming from under a blanket. 
   

More sleeping beauties:

   

       I mentioned my problems with the kids to Mr. P. He taught me to use oreo cookies. Yes, you heard me: oreo cookies!
Do you all know, what an oreo cookie looks like? It consists of two thin cookies and vanilla cream layer in between them. So....
     You say, for example: "Hanah, I am really happy to have you back home! It's so good to spend time with you again! 
That's the first cookie. Then  instead of BUT, you say: AND!
     "and I would appreciate very much if you helped me with housework. You are not my child anymore (don't faint), you are my grown up daughter, and you should have some grown up

responsibilities while you are at home". 
     That was the vanilla cream layer of the oreo.
     You continue: "So, maybe after we take care of some chores, we can go to a cafe or do something fun, huh?" Another cookie finishes the tirade.
     That way, you sandwich a lesson between complements or offers of fun, and the object of your talk, finally, hears you and feels good about your relationship.
     What do you think? It should help, right? 
     I wanted to see, if the oreo cookie method works, but, unfortunately, before I left for an appointment with Mr. P. I told the kids that a church elder might come to our house, so they'd better clean up (it was a lie: the church elder was Roberta's acquaintance, and he just wanted to talk to her on the phone). I felt a little bad about my lie, but the result was spectacular! When I came back, the house was spotless (as much as MY house can be), and kids sat primly in the living room. They even took showers and brushed teeth!