A few thoughts occurred to me as I was driving to an appointment with Mr. P.
I began to agonize again about my apparent lack of luck in achieving lasting positive results. It seems that I, finally, began to take care of myself. Why is it so difficult for me to do the right thing? Even when I apply willpower and perseverance, all my efforts go in the toilet!
If only I could stop hoping for a better outcome! How painful it is when my hopes get dashed!
"What am I missing?" - I thought. Hope is the result of faith. Do I even know, what it means, to have faith?
I reached with my heart and mind to talk to God. It was not easy to do while navigating a freeway! Still, with some effort and flexing of my "prayer muscles", I could feel some degree of spiritual awareness.
Do I even know, what it means to have faith? I live, most of the time, comfortable life; there is no immediate danger to me or my loved ones. Yet I already lost faith that, God can reach me in my circumstances and help me change my life for the better! I am crying about a little pain and being abandoned by friends. Is my situation that severe? Didn't others endure much more without any visible means of relief, but kept believing that the Higher Power is in control and has a purpose for their lives and suffering?
I might be simple-minded and an idiot, but I began feeling better almost right away. All through my session with Mr. P., I kept thinking: "I need to learn about faith!" He told me about how God chose us from the foundations of His Creation, that He sends His Word to us, which will not ignored or thwarted. I needed more. I need to work on my faith, so that God can reach me, and I can reach Him!
Friday, June 6, 2014
GRUDGES AND CHOPSTICKS
I took Roberta to a physical therapy appointment yesterday. While she was exercising, I went to a Chinese store nearby. For some reason, all the chopsticks in our home are mismatched, and some absolutely essential (as I was told) condiments, like wasabi and hot chili oil, are missing. That was my chance to correct the situation by throwing some money at it!
I zigged and zagged along the narrow shop's aisles to my heart's content. It's funny, how necessary different items, of which you absolutely didn't think before entering the store, become to a shopper's mind! Upon paying for my purchases, I realized that I forgot to buy chopsticks and went back to the shelves, returning to the register with a few more items!
Reina attends an English conversation class, and last night I decided to take her there. We had an easy (at least it seemed so to me) talk on the way there. I contacted Mary with whom I usually go to pool to meet for a cup of coffee, while Reina would be in class. Mary and I resumed our going to the pool: without it I will blow up to my previous weight in no time at all!
Mary finishes work at 5, so she told me that she'll be at a Jack in the Box by 5:40. I called her at 6, and she was still stuck in traffic.
She showed up at 6:20, we talked and laughed for about twenty minutes and then my alarm rang: it was time to pick up Reina.
I have a grudge against Mary, as well as against my, so called friends. NONE of them bothered to call or come to help, while I was sick. If I died, they wouldn't even know about it! Well, people don't die from gout, although, they wish they could!
But really, what kind of friends would tell you, like Mary did: "You take care of your gout and I'll take care of my family" - and not bother for weeks to find out how I was? I know, I know, Mr. P., I should confront her and tell her exactly how I feel, but then I might lose my pool companion! A-a-a-a-n-d I am too "chicken" to do it!
I zigged and zagged along the narrow shop's aisles to my heart's content. It's funny, how necessary different items, of which you absolutely didn't think before entering the store, become to a shopper's mind! Upon paying for my purchases, I realized that I forgot to buy chopsticks and went back to the shelves, returning to the register with a few more items!
Reina attends an English conversation class, and last night I decided to take her there. We had an easy (at least it seemed so to me) talk on the way there. I contacted Mary with whom I usually go to pool to meet for a cup of coffee, while Reina would be in class. Mary and I resumed our going to the pool: without it I will blow up to my previous weight in no time at all!
Mary finishes work at 5, so she told me that she'll be at a Jack in the Box by 5:40. I called her at 6, and she was still stuck in traffic.
She showed up at 6:20, we talked and laughed for about twenty minutes and then my alarm rang: it was time to pick up Reina.
I have a grudge against Mary, as well as against my, so called friends. NONE of them bothered to call or come to help, while I was sick. If I died, they wouldn't even know about it! Well, people don't die from gout, although, they wish they could!
But really, what kind of friends would tell you, like Mary did: "You take care of your gout and I'll take care of my family" - and not bother for weeks to find out how I was? I know, I know, Mr. P., I should confront her and tell her exactly how I feel, but then I might lose my pool companion! A-a-a-a-n-d I am too "chicken" to do it!
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
GIDDY UP!
Not much to tell you about these couple of days. Reina went to an ESL conversation class (Sonny drove her and waited for two hours while she was at the class). He will do it again today. I, mainly, cook all day. It's not difficult, if only the dishes did themselves! As it is right now, the sinks are full, and I am fed up!
Hanah still didn't contact me about the day or time (or - if) she will come home. I am telling myself that, she is busy packing her stuff and moving it to her new apartment where she will live starting this summer. It's hard to put limits on my desire to see her. It could also be that, it is hard for parents to believe that children, whom they birthed, fed, raised and taught everything, can have an agenda that can keep them from doing parents' bidding as soon as parents desire it to be done. Am I too liberal for my own good?
Yes, Sonny drove Reina to her class... He and Taka, when I told him, were shocked that I made Sonny get behind the wheel so soon after the accident. I think, it's better that he realizes that, the driving and the potential accidents are parts of life, and nothing to brood about or use to start doubting oneself. In other words: "Get back on that horse, kiddo!"
Hanah still didn't contact me about the day or time (or - if) she will come home. I am telling myself that, she is busy packing her stuff and moving it to her new apartment where she will live starting this summer. It's hard to put limits on my desire to see her. It could also be that, it is hard for parents to believe that children, whom they birthed, fed, raised and taught everything, can have an agenda that can keep them from doing parents' bidding as soon as parents desire it to be done. Am I too liberal for my own good?
Yes, Sonny drove Reina to her class... He and Taka, when I told him, were shocked that I made Sonny get behind the wheel so soon after the accident. I think, it's better that he realizes that, the driving and the potential accidents are parts of life, and nothing to brood about or use to start doubting oneself. In other words: "Get back on that horse, kiddo!"
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
BETTER DEAL, I HOPE
Ooph!
It was a long day yesterday!
I managed to tear myself from the needs of everyone at home to go and see about our car.
I took it first to the repair shop, where a nice gentleman in a Sikh headdress checked it for any kind of mechanical problems. Actually, he just walked around it, turned it on, listened to the engine, looked if any lights alerting us to problems within the car were on (didn't find any) and told me to watch out for the indications if the radiator is leaking.
After that he recommended a body-shop some ways away from our area, where I might get a better price.
The thing is, we only have liability insurance, and it covers damages to a car that Sonny hit, as well s damages to people in a said car, but doesn't cover repairs to our vehicle or a rental car that we will need to get while Honda is in the shop.
So, I got tempted by the promise of and went driving in search of a better deal.
Do you see this pristine, orderly place? Well, the yard of the body shop where I went didn't look anything like it! It was crowded by cars in various stages of dismantlement and repair. A man was banging at the hood of one of them and he smiled broadly and pointed me to a trailer, where the office was. There another Sikh gentleman listened gravely to my story, got up without saying anything and sauntered outside, where he proceeded to go about doing ten different things before, finally, alighting next to my car.
He looked it over, pursed his lips and made some notes, counting parts that needed to be replaced or repaired. He then simply told me the fee, which was not a bad one: just $1,200. I, in turn, pursed my own lips, went through a bunch of considerations and plans in my head and agreed to his price.
Later, I thought that I could've, probably, bargained with him, but I got too soft in the U.S., and my bargaining skills almost atrophied by now. To tell the truth, I hardly ever think to do it, although, when I do, I am never disappointed: I always get a better deal!
The gentleman and I went back to the trailer, where we filled out the paperwork. He was a genius of multi-tasking, doing many different things at once. Unfortunately, it meant that I had to spend long periods looking at the mess in the trailer, thinking if I, by some miracle, would get a piece of a giant pizza sitting on a small table (lunch time came and went, but I didn't eat anything), and reading my book.
The paperwork done, I now had to get a rental car agency to pick me up to rent a vehicle. I realized by then that, there was a zero possibility of me having any of the pizza, and I didn't want to impede the workers, who started to fill the tiny trailer, from having their meal. I walked out and sat on a random chair in the middle of the cars in the yard to wait for someone from the rental agency to pick me up.
I was well into my book (45 minutes later), when that person appeared. We drove to the office, where they gave me (for a hefty price) this little Volkswagen Jetta. I never drove a VW and never a car that red!
It was a long day yesterday!
I managed to tear myself from the needs of everyone at home to go and see about our car.
I took it first to the repair shop, where a nice gentleman in a Sikh headdress checked it for any kind of mechanical problems. Actually, he just walked around it, turned it on, listened to the engine, looked if any lights alerting us to problems within the car were on (didn't find any) and told me to watch out for the indications if the radiator is leaking.
After that he recommended a body-shop some ways away from our area, where I might get a better price.
The thing is, we only have liability insurance, and it covers damages to a car that Sonny hit, as well s damages to people in a said car, but doesn't cover repairs to our vehicle or a rental car that we will need to get while Honda is in the shop.
So, I got tempted by the promise of and went driving in search of a better deal.
Do you see this pristine, orderly place? Well, the yard of the body shop where I went didn't look anything like it! It was crowded by cars in various stages of dismantlement and repair. A man was banging at the hood of one of them and he smiled broadly and pointed me to a trailer, where the office was. There another Sikh gentleman listened gravely to my story, got up without saying anything and sauntered outside, where he proceeded to go about doing ten different things before, finally, alighting next to my car.
He looked it over, pursed his lips and made some notes, counting parts that needed to be replaced or repaired. He then simply told me the fee, which was not a bad one: just $1,200. I, in turn, pursed my own lips, went through a bunch of considerations and plans in my head and agreed to his price.
Later, I thought that I could've, probably, bargained with him, but I got too soft in the U.S., and my bargaining skills almost atrophied by now. To tell the truth, I hardly ever think to do it, although, when I do, I am never disappointed: I always get a better deal!
The gentleman and I went back to the trailer, where we filled out the paperwork. He was a genius of multi-tasking, doing many different things at once. Unfortunately, it meant that I had to spend long periods looking at the mess in the trailer, thinking if I, by some miracle, would get a piece of a giant pizza sitting on a small table (lunch time came and went, but I didn't eat anything), and reading my book.
The paperwork done, I now had to get a rental car agency to pick me up to rent a vehicle. I realized by then that, there was a zero possibility of me having any of the pizza, and I didn't want to impede the workers, who started to fill the tiny trailer, from having their meal. I walked out and sat on a random chair in the middle of the cars in the yard to wait for someone from the rental agency to pick me up.
I was well into my book (45 minutes later), when that person appeared. We drove to the office, where they gave me (for a hefty price) this little Volkswagen Jetta. I never drove a VW and never a car that red!
The work on my Honda is promised to be done in five days. I have a VW for a week.
Monday, June 2, 2014
POOR HONDA
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| That's how it looks from the bad side. I took the picture through the window mesh, sorry! |
Sunday, June 1, 2014
OH, NO!
Why do I think that people from all ends of the Earth would be interested in what's happening in my family and my mind? I don't know. I just have a desire to share with you the events of our lives and what they mean to me!
"So, I, kind of, was an a car crash". He said that. My heart almost stopped, but I willed myself to be calm. I asked, if he was alright, and he said that, thank God, he and the other driver were fine. He also said that it was a small fender-bender, but when I came to the scene of the crash (it happened very close to our house), I saw that the hood of the car was hopelessly bent and mushed!
I still feel shell-shocked, as if I was in that accident. Sonny, who experienced such a thing for the first time in his life, is even more so! I managed to keep his dad off his case last night, and he had a chance to rest and recuperate.
Poor kid! The evening before, everything was fine. We talked at
length about some very inspiring topics: whether or not the mankind can evolve into a socially-responsible society, and how it can happen. Nothing prepared him for the trauma of irrevocably rushing into a car in front of him, hearing the squeal of his own breaks and the metal hitting metal. He told me that the driver of the other car was very upset, but Sonny apologized so many times and, probably, looked so heartbroken, that he (the other driver) began to try to comfort him!
I can only imagine (from my own experience), what Sonny feels like!
We watched Avengers last night. It's not my cup of tea, but I wanted Sonny to relax and do something that he liked. Also, Reina said that she liked this type of movies.
This morning, Taka woke us up to see a deer in our garden! It was a doe, happily munching on our trees' leaves and buds. She didn't look at all alarmed when we began to peer at her and take pictures from all the doors and windows. Taka had to come really close to her, before she bolted away.
Mr. P. says that I catastrophise a lot. Which means that I take things too seriously and create drama in my life. I just think that, we are the kind of humans to whom things happen. Have you ever had to run away from bulls? Were you ever arrested, interrogated, handcuffed and walked under armed guard? I have: by the KGB, the American sheriffs and in Africa, on the border with Sudan (I mean, I had to run from the bulls there and walk under armed guard) .
Now, those things (and more) happened a while ago. I wrote
about a lot of them in this blog, especially, in the posts called The Cities. How has my life been lately?
about a lot of them in this blog, especially, in the posts called The Cities. How has my life been lately?
Yesterday, I took Roberta and Reina to do some errands. Sonny took Honda and went to meet his friends at the movie theater. We drove around our area, banking and shopping. The day was very warm, and by the time we came home, I felt like I needed a break. I turned on the fan and just plopped myself on the couch to cool down, when the phone rang. The receiver was far away, and I didn't bother to answer it: the machine will pick it up. There was no message, but a thought occurred that Sonny was out there with the car, which prompted me to get up to see, who called. Then my cell phone began to ring.
Sonny didn't need me to pick him up yesterday. He had the car! And if he called me, it meant that he and the car were in trouble!
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| It looks better on this picture than in reality. |
The Honda stood in the middle of traffic. Sonny talked to a policeman, and a couple more of them were directing cars to go around the crash area. I crossed over, but by then everything was finished: the other car drove away, the policemen told us that there was nothing for them to do in that matter. We drove home.
I still feel shell-shocked, as if I was in that accident. Sonny, who experienced such a thing for the first time in his life, is even more so! I managed to keep his dad off his case last night, and he had a chance to rest and recuperate. I can only imagine (from my own experience), what Sonny feels like!
We watched Avengers last night. It's not my cup of tea, but I wanted Sonny to relax and do something that he liked. Also, Reina said that she liked this type of movies.
This morning, Taka woke us up to see a deer in our garden! It was a doe, happily munching on our trees' leaves and buds. She didn't look at all alarmed when we began to peer at her and take pictures from all the doors and windows. Taka had to come really close to her, before she bolted away.
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| You can only see a bit of her here, but it[s the most important bit, isn't it? |
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