CAT AT WAR WITH IT'S OWN LEGS

http://www.youtube.com/v/tctY8ntGx_M?version=3&autohide=1&feature=share&showinfo=1&attribution_tag=xhbj_rL9iW5bwHQN5ag6tw&autohide=1&autoplay=1

いろいろなねこ１４。MARU,&,HANA

http://www.youtube.com/v/xYYi1EUzHCU?autohide=1&version=3&showinfo=1&attribution_tag=uFJ3smnQRDMUqzyxN0YXDA&autohide=1&feature=share&autoplay=1

A HOUSE DRESS AND A FUN DAY FOR ROBERTA

     A day started slowly and then gained momentum. I knew that I had an eye doctor appointment at 3 and nothing more. That's why when Park asked me if Roberta had any appointments, I began to say "NO", until I saw Roberta emphatically nodding her head behind Park's back
                                               
So, I said something like:
"N-yes! She has to go see a new Physical Therapist!" 
     Park didn't give up on his idea of going to the park. He made his favorite wraps again and dragged despairing Roberta to the car. I had an hour and a half of peace and quiet until the front door opened, Park came in and announced: "We met Patrick S., he came home with us!" 
     Patrick S. is a church member who lives nearby and repaired Park's car on Sunday. I was sitting in my very old house dress
                                                                     
 in front of the laptop, so for me an idea of a strange man suddenly seeing me in such a state of undress was as welcome as a swarm of bees in my oatmeal!
     After all, it turned out to be OK. Patrick said that his wife often walks around the house in her nightgown. I appreciated his good tact, but wanted to strangle Park for his lack of decorum.

     I grabbed Roberta, whose eyes lit up at the prospect of spending some time without Park's posturing and admonishments, got in the car and took Sonny to the BART station. Then she and I began to think, how to use our free time.
                                                     
    The reprieve didn't last long at all. A church secretary called and asked me to help with some data entering at the office. I promised her before that I will find time to do it, so now the question about where to go was solved. 
                                                                                                  
    

    Not that I enjoyed it very much, but at least Roberta got to go somewhere where she could laugh and interact with people   .
     We did some other things and errands. We picked up Sonny when he came back from college, went to eat Hawaiian Food
                                                   

and came back home. Park was still out with Patrick! Patrick, probably thinks that he found a new great friend, until Park's claws come out and he shows his true nature. But for now - we were happy that he was gone for a while! 
     He came back soon after that with a whole bunch of stories about Patrick S., his big house, his many cars and all the things that Park envied. He immediately began to cook. I was marinating some chicken, so he took a few pieces, as well as - you guessed it - a wrap that Sonny had to eat for lunch but didn't. Roberta was too "chicken"
                                       to tell him that she already ate. She had another dinner. I could see that her feeling of well-being rapidly turned into a stomach ache. Poor lady!

     
     

LIFE 'ND STUFF

  Lera and Grisha lived with my parents when my Mom just became sick. I must say, Grisha was a great help, because Lera and I were not very keen on the housework. He cooked and cleaned all day long, only to be constantly criticized by his mother-in-law, who herself stopped doing any cooking and cleaning when she became sick. Her most famous (in our family) remark to him was, as he slaved in the kitchen: "I don't like the movement of your hands!" She would hound the poor man in every aspect of his life. Grisha is a very peculiar guy, but she was just too much. He liked to eat in small amounts, but many times a day. She would be watching him and whispering loudly: "Look, look, he took another plate!", and then at full volume: "Did you leave anything for your wife?!" If he was taking a shower, she'd bang on the door and declare: "Enough, let the others use the bathroom!" It's interesting, that to my husband she was all sweetness and warmth, not a word in reproach. I think, in him she recognized a kindred spirit.
   In all that I didn't talk about my children. I know that many people are against the term Jewish American Princess. I coined another term, though: Jewish-Japanese American Princess. I'm not being racist. That's what my daughter was and always will be. As a baby, she would sit on her high chair, with a solemn and slightly uppity expression on her face, graciously accepting - or not - the adoration and nourishment from her loyal subjects. And loyal subjects she had! If you came into a room, you'd see all eyes trained on her. That was until her brother was born.
   She never expressed open hostility toward him, but she was taking steps to ensure her superiority (or just to bug him). The pacifiers or Sonny's favorite bottle would mysteriously disappear, to be found much later, just out of eyesight, behind the table leg or between his mattress and the side of the bed. In the mean while, the poor fellow would be screaming his head off. In fact, if you look at the photos of Sonny and Hanah at that time, he'd be always screaming and she'd be watching him with the expression of a cat in front of a bird cage.

LIFE 'ND STUFF

Not to be outdone, right after that, Taka's sister and her family from Japan decided to visit us in America. Taka went to pick them up from the airport and I stayed home to make everything ready. A long time passed. Finally, he called to tell me that his sister forgot to bring with them their little daughter's Birth Certificate. That meant that they had to stay with us until the above mentioned document could be procured from Japan, so they could prove that the girl they had with them was their own daughter. I was glad to have them with us, but the whole situation reminded me too much of my sister's couple's ordeal not to start believing that either there was somebody out there to get us or that BOTH sides of our family were extraordinary unlucky. 

I began working as a Teacher's Aid in a small school. When my brother-in-law got his Green Card, Lera and Grisha tried again to make it a go in the U.S. Without thinking much of it, I charged in to help them settle and find jobs. Lera, my sister, had a degree in Microbiology from Russia, but all she could find was a job in a convalescent home, washing dishes. Her husband, actually, worked in Denmark as a physical therapist with the athletes and the elderly, but, I guess, he had enough of the old folks. After an extensive search and a lot of drama, he also became a Teacher's Aid. 

While all that was happening, my father had to have a heart bypass (he called it a bay-pass) surgery.  We were all tremendously invested in taking care of him and helping him get better. My Mom was always fighting one ache or another, so it didn't become immediately apparent in the hubbub that she was seriously ill. It took about three months to get the diagnosis: cancer.  

She went through chemotherapy. It prolonged her life, but it also took it away. She separated herself from the family, even from her beloved grandchildren. It seemed that she was pushing us all away before she was forced to lose everyone forever.   

HOW TO FIND SOMEONE FOR YOU TO LOVE

     I told you that I am trying to help a friend to find a good match for herself. She is a wonderful person who came by a lot of bad luck in her life. Her first husband was from Africa. She went there with him, thinking only to start a beautiful family and add a good story to this sorry world's history. The husband treated her like something that he found on the bottom of his shoe. He hardly spent any time with her and was rude and insensitive to her. After she had a child, he began to disappear more and more often. She already suspected that he wanted nothing to do with her. When she became sick from the local food, she decided to leave Africa. For many years he wrote to her and phoned that he wants to emigrate to the U.S., but just needs some more money. You can guess that after wringing her dry, he married someone else (without even divorcing her first).
     Evelyn raised her son by herself, got him to overcome a lot of resentment toward herself and life in general, helped him to get into one of the best colleges in the country. All by herself! God was with her, obviously, but no one else helped much.
     SO now she feels ready to try another marital relationship. I am talking to people all over the world, but at the age of 55 it's very hard to be... What? Noticeable? Wanted? 
     It occurred to me that to gain some extra merit for oneself, a person in that situation needs to emit something into the cosmic ether! What I mean by that is: wish it, think and write about it,  pray about it, become someone that will help others, and especially, the hard on the emotional uptake, men, to feel your specialness. 
     This is an article I read today and asked Evelyn to read and follow the advise given there. The article talks about a person getting matched because in the Unification Movement that's how we get married, but I think that the advice can be applied to any situation that is hard to resolve and requires the cosmic input. See if it can help you!

[Making the Priority List] :: So tell me whatchu want, whatchu really really want…

 Ok, ok, I titled this post with a shameless Spice Girls reference, but you know what? It works.

     About 12 years ago I was talking to my mom on the phone and told her that I was open to being matched. I had thought about it, weighed my options, and I was open to letting her see if there was someone out there for me.

     Much to my surprise she asked me to start a journal and write down the things that I would want in a husband, partner, etc. I said, “Mom, I don’t think it works that way.” To which she replied, “Sure it does. Share what you want with God and see what he leads you to.”

     I didn’t know what I really wanted other than “nice to me” and “not ugly,” but I humored her and bought a fancy looking journal the next day. For a while, I would write down characteristics that came to mind. “easy conversation,” “likes to laugh,” “values His relationship with God,” etc. The list went on and on.

     Six months later, I got a call from my mom saying a parent had called her about their son and a potential match was on the horizon. I got so caught up in the whirlwind of “Who is he?” “What does he think of me?” etc etc, that I forgot the list completely. After a few months we decided to start a prayer condition to see what God thought of our possible couple, and during my prayer, I was reminded of the journal. The list was there, “easy conversation, likes to laugh, values His relationship with God…” I thought about my match and saw how he was made to order. With a little smile, I closed the book and finished my prayer. I didn’t need to ask anymore, I knew that God had heard me and had answered.

---

Sarah Eide

Activity

Before starting your matching process, it’s good to sit down and think about what you are looking for in a spouse. What are your deal makers and deal breakers, negotiables and non-negotiables…

Take some time to write down everything and anything you are looking for in your future spouse. We’ll call it the “long list”.

Here are some topics to help you start off…

Topics: humor, faith, culture, language, race, education, profession, ambitions, travel, living abroad, ministry work, children, caring for parents/in laws, school, finances…

Once you’ve written it all out, use this list maker to PRIORITIZE (just click on the link, download as a PDF and print!)

Start with the Non-Negotiables box… choose only THREE things on you’re “long list” that you absolutely cannot live without in a spouse. Then try to think about why those things are so important to you and your future marriage.

Then continue by putting six more items from the “long list” into the Things That Would Be Nice box. These are the things you would really like to have in a spouse, but you could possibly be flexible about. Describe how you could be flexible and compromise. For example, “I would like for him to have the same hobbies as me… but if he is willing to try new things, I’d be open to him as a possible match.”

Finally, choose four things from the “long list” to go in the Bonus Points box. These are the qualities that are just extras. Things you can definitely live without, but would a plus in your marriage.

Once your done, you’ll probably notice that lots of items on your “long list” didn’t  make the Priority List. That’s ok! Hold on to both your lists as you go through your matching journey. You may find that after some time your priorities have changed and the items on your Priority List have shifted around. The Priority List is simply your reminder of what you value most in a spouse.

But your “long list” is still a genuine reflection and prayer that is worth keeping.

LIFE 'ND STUFF

I had another kid, a boy that time. He received a Korean name, Sungjoon, but my parents couldn't pronounce it. They called him San Zhuk (which can mean "St. Bug" in Russian), St. John and other Christian sounding - and so weird to a Jewish ear - names. This is how my son became Sonny. He was the apple of his grandmother's eye.  

My parents were Jewish. They weren't brought up in the religious tradition or anything, but when they came from heathen, atheistic Soviet Russia, the Jewish community in New York spent considerable time and money educating them in all things Jewish. That's why they had mezuzahs on every doorpost (little boxes with the bits of religious scroll in them), even if they loved pork and, like every person from Russia, always had bread on the table, sometimes next to the matzos, which is considered to be a sin. They had a hanging for the door, welcoming visitors in Hebrew, but, just in case if the Nazis came, they kept it inside the apartment.   

My sister, who lived in Copenhagen, Denmark, sent and brought with her tons of clothes and presents for her niece and nephew. She and her husband didn't have any children, so they lavished their love on mine.  

They decided to move to the U.S. in the end of the nineties. Since Grisha, my brother-n-law, was going to stay in America illegally, they decided,  following some crazy logic, to go to stand in separate immigration lines at the Atlanta airport (the first leg of the journey to San Francisco). Unfortunately, Lera took Grisha's passport and he got hers, which immediately attracted attention of the Immigration officers. Grisha was sent back, but decided to go to Israel instead of Denmark. We couldn't trace his whereabouts for  two days, and so my sister, Lera, lay  on the couch, prostrated and crying, during all that time,  sure that the Ku Klux Klan or Southern Militia in Atlanta did something to her husband. She had her Green Card, though, and stayed with us for about a few months.